Daddy Dearest

Just a cracked vase

Hollow on the inside

These cracks

They keep breaking

More and more

Everyday...

Deeper inside

Wish I could take summa those pills

I want to feel good

I keep this alcohol by my side

Just to drown in

I keep swimming 

Your words they say

“That’s just messed up”

Ya know that hurts

Daddy dearest

I am really trying

I know you think I’m not

I use these to get through the day

My mind hurts 

Just thinking about what to say

I am trying to be that perfect little girl you want 

But I just can’t

Nothing’s ever good enough for you

Not one thing I even do

I keep trying daddy dearest

You just never approve 

Everything I do is wrong to you

I can’t do one good thing, huh?

So maybe I will pick up that cup

Down some Benzos 

Maybe some Addies

Sorry, Dearest Daddy

I’ll wash it down with Vodka kept in the cabinet

I know you keep saying, “I AIN’T HAVIN IT!”

But I’m almost 18, dad, kick me out

All you ever do is scream and shout

Make me feel like I amount

To nothing

Author's Note

This was something that Nix had to inspire me to write. I wrote it for her (she added a few lines here and there) But some of the things we were talking about just brought me this

Reviews

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

This poem speaks from the heart, very powerful words. I too have suffered from physical, emotional and financial abuse.

Sometimes the victim turns to drugs and alcohol as a way to escape the internal pain as they try to heal. But drugs and alcohol won’t help maybe for a short period of time but never for the long run. We all can’t choose our parents but what we can do is choosing our own path in life to become better and overcome the road blocks that life throws our way.

[barleygirl]

You write a convincing argument for why substance abuse is widespread among survivors of childhood abuse. Your language is original & intense, but also creative & topsy-turvy, kinda like it feels when we're in the middle of this scene, wanting the kill to muthafucker & trying to gain his approval at the same time. You pick up on so many of the agonies that plague all of us trying to heal from childhood abuse, which often takes a lifetime. I'm sorry if this describes how you feel & what you went thru (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Coyote Poetry]

Most of us must learn the hard way. We must help with gentle voice and kind heart. Hard words and mean words does not fix a problem. Make the problem grow and become more painful. Powerful and worthwhile words shared dear poet.
Coyote

[Ziggy Matthews]

Very, very powerful words. The approval of a parent can be so heavy for a child, even an adult. You capture this pressure very elegantly inside of this poem. You can see the teenager clearly not wanting to give into her vices, but the pressure from her father pushes her to that brink. It captures toxicity so clearly. Thank you for writing this!!!

[John the Baptist]

Nothing like parental support. The speaker here admits to the abuse of drugs and alcohol, attributes it to emotional abuse by her father, who is described as a petty tyrant. High expectations are met with apparently little appreciation. Of course, we are getting the speaker's version only. Daddy might have another view of it.