Dear mom

Just a cracked vase, hollow on the inside
These cracks, they keep breaking
More and more, everyday...
Deeper inside
Wish I could take summa those pills
I want to feel good, I keep this alcohol by my side
Just to drown in, I keep swimming
Your words they say, “That’s just messed up”
Ya know that hurts, Mommy dearest
I am really trying, I know you think I’m not
I use these to get through the day
My mind hurts, Just thinking about what to say
I am trying to be that perfect little girl you want
But I just can’t
Nothing’s ever good enough for you, Not one thing I even do
I keep trying mommy dearest
You just never approve, Everything I do is wrong to you
I can’t do one good thing, huh?
So maybe I will pick up that cup
Down some Benzo's, Maybe some Addie's
Sorry, Dearest Mommy
I’ll wash it down with Vodka kept in the cabinet
I know you keep saying, “I AIN’T HAVIN IT!”
All you ever do is scream and shout
Make me feel like I amount, To nothing
I keep trying to please you
Keep trying to make you understand, I'm hurting
You going back to those drugs
Leaving us kids behind, Leaving what was good in your life behind
I know you don't understand
I wear these scars
I carry them for what I did
I carry them for the story
I know you don't understand
The pain carved into me
The attempts to disappear
It's not a tale
I spoke to myself today
I'm ashamed of what I've became
I stand with arms wide opened
I'm not made of stone
Right or wrong
What have I done
I turned away
I looked away
Falling further and further away
Getting closer and closer
To the end
The scars won't fade
Ongoing battle
One I may never win
A sweet escape
I know you don't understand
I just want you to understand
I just want you to see how I feel
How us kids feel
How you ruined our lives
I cut for reasons that you don't understand
No matter how much I explain it
I tell you how I feel
Yet you say "your fine"
The last thing you said to me was
"Don't push me away, I didn't push you away"
WHAT MOTHER WOULD SAY THAT TO THEIR CHILD????
Are you my parent or my friend?
If your my parent, aren't you supposed to help me?
If your my friend aren't you supposed to tell me its ok?
If your my parent, aren't you supposed to keep me safe?
If your my parent and friend, aren't you supposed to be there for me?
Why did you have to leave?
What was your real reason?
Why did you hurt us kids?
Why did you give up everything?

Author's Note

I took one of my old poems i have done with nixistyping and had remixed it into this, i miss nix and her funny loving attitude.... but with everything that has happen in the past few months I think remixing this poem was a good thing

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

This is honest, strong and amazing poetry.
"Why did you have to leave?
What was your real reason?
Why did you hurt us kids?
Why did you give up everything?"
The above lines and the complete poem. You bled words to paper. Hemingway said, this is what writers do. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry. You made the reader feel every word.
Coyote

[Unspoken poet]

Such an emotional read, any kind of relationship can be rough

[augustus]

It shows how alcohol can affect a relationship and even ruin it! Well written my friend.

[Shelley Warner]

This is an honest poem of pain. It shows the fragility of a relationship with a disapproving mother. I hope you can write a sequel in which the main character learns to approve of herself and in doing so, finds freedom from painful addiction.