Who Am I?

Written prior to my temporary escape of my life earlier this year; I had forgotten about this one sorry...

Who am I?

 

This is how it feels,

Total solitude;

I dont know who I am,

My body wants no food.

 

What have I done?

I must have done something;

Everyone and everything gone,

I must have done something.

 

Something terrible, something wrong,

For why would I be so alone?

It seems like so long,

Since I have felt “at home”.

 

I dont know where home is,

Where do I belong?

Home is where the heart is,

What did I do wrong?

 

I have let people down,

And not just one or two,

I have let people down

Here and in the South Atlantic too.

 

How can there be so many,

And now no one?

The fog seems very thick,

Everyone has gone.

 

How can you belong

When you dont fit in?

How can you forgive,

When you know not what you’re forgiving?

 

Was it me or was it them?

Now we shall never know;

I never meant to harm them,

I did no wrong....but even so...

 

When they are so many,

And your memories not so clear,

How can you even trust yourself?

With a mind filled with fear?

 

I know them,

Do they know me?

How can it be possible

That they cannot see?

 

I must have done wrong,

I must have deserved this;

There can be no other reason,

I must have deserved this.

 

I feel evil and cruel,

Never meant anyone harm,

But it seems I must have done,

Ive caused so much alarm.

 

How do I trust my memories

If there is nobody left?

Why dont I know what is real?

How can there be no one left?

 

My earlier writing met silence,

I heard from not a single one;

It seems no one wants to know,

I feel they blame me for what I “have done”

 

If it was my fault afterall,

How do I ever put things right?

Is he dead because of me?

A dead man cannot fight.

 

Nothing makes any sense,

What is right or wrong,

Just a mass of confusion

About where I “should belong”

 

Are the things in my head real?

Can they be trusted?

Or have I caused so many lives

To be completely shattered?

 

There were people on my side,

Yes, only a few;

But now where have they gone?

I wish somebody knew.

 

I am tired and confused,

I dont know if I was abused,

How can I ever know for sure?

When im so confused.

 

The world is no longer real,

I dont know who I am;

How can anyone heal?

If I dont know who I am?

 

The world now scares me a lot,

I dont want it to see me;

Im hiding in this “internal place”

Yet at the same time wanting to flee.

 

Everything is disturbing,

Nothing is how it was;

I want to hide from everyone,

And I have no answers.

 

But I am being called,

And the calling is so strong;

There are people I DO trust,

A place where we are...”at one”.

 

Some may think im mad,

But for me I have to go;

I left my soul in Africa,

I left it in Soweto.

 

I have to go back and find it,

To find myself as well;

And perhaps bring it back this time..

Only time will tell...

 

Its going to be a mission,

Im taking gifts for many;

The postal system’s s**t,

But the people are worth every penny.

 

Please Mandela let my brain function,

So I can help those who need me;

As all the time i’ve spent with them....

....i’ve never felt so free.

 

 UNkulunkulu akubusise Soweto ❤️

Author's Note

Written some time back earlier this year. Thank you again for reading. I know I never will be able to publish anything, but it is still an outlet to be able to share it with someone.