Commercial heart attack

You’re a commercial heart attack
A manufactured and fractured fragments
Bound together with polyester and woven into the fabric of my reality
You seem soft and malleable, while inside you’re cracked and plastered back up to subdue the doubts i had that i loved you
When i kissed your lips and they tasted like cigarettes and percocets
I let my mind deflate the stress that was pressed up against my temples as you wore your words as a vest in an attempt to deflect my scrutiny
But when i looked past the mirage of makeup and deleted texts and saw you at your best i felt the words that had so violently boiled up in my chest regress for a fleeting moment
When i asked myself if you were worth it
Before i once again suppressed the idea that you were perfect and i was the problem
The answer resides in places that we can’t inspect within the deepest recesses in our minds sets
So we go to bed starving for attention
But lay down the idea that our pretenses were correct
Because our minds can’t be blessed with the clarity of self respect
Attrition trumps atonement, but i’m struggling to admit that my life is better off without the thought of you within it
I’m scared of the different ways that you might spin this
If i let you go and keep a watchful eye in the distance
So i’ll hold you close and offer you bouts of my forgiveness
For the nights i left you wide awake, as you became the mistress
In my nightmares i watch the contact with his lips and hear the empty phrase of ‘i love you’ ringing in the midst
Maybe i’m was stupid to think that this is home
Somewhere deep inside me i’ve been clawing for some hope
Praying for an answer that i’ve already known
You’re lying right beside me, but i still feel alone
I withhold the urge to kiss you, and pretend that i’m okay
I feel the judgement of the life we lived and begged to turn the page
But you’ve already burned the book and left me in it’s wake
So i turn my back and watch you slip away