Echoes

You dream in echoes of the real world
I’ve tried to read you so i can be sure to treat you as the person you want to be treated as
But you leave no patterns or treasure trails that lead back to easy answers
And possibly i’ve surrendered a sense of control, to dive in to your passion, remember what it feels like to be bold
To be held and told that i am loved against the odds, and calculable tolls
The sheets that have previously been divided now remain the glue that allows us to embrace in each others likeness
I feel my fortune has been told, and you remain the one thing that exists in this balance

Have these words struck down in writing
I’m not sure you would’ve liked to hear this confession of the obsession that i so unquestionably have manifested into my
Life with the accuracy of a surgeon’s hands stitching walls of a patient's heart back together after the surgery went exactly as planned
You are the piece of my puzzle that i never thought i’d find again
But i’ve been searching
And i found it in the haptic feedback you amit the disturbance of my natural ability to predict with you i’m reckless
And i’m not afraid to admit that i’ve been scared beyond belief that i wouldn’t be your perfect fit
But i know that someday you’ll see that this is it
So i’ll drink your poison and let it burn my lungs
To finally feel like this melancholy exists since i’ve been perpetually existing in it’s built upon the bones that i missed the way it felt to feel when i was kissed
I could write down a list of all the vulnerable instances that heave my head like a chapple in a passionate wind
But there’s no value in vulnerability when it’s performative
Because i just want to feel, i want to suffer if it means i’m real
If it means the swelling in my heart is not a fabricated or closely calculated mask that i placed to cover up that i feel empty inside
Not dead
There is life if life can be had without depth
As my range runs shallow in the ability to connect
I want so tirelessly to believe that i’m in love
But i see that i can’t even begin to be in love
When i’m not sure i’ve ever felt happiness
And i don’t want a sign from above or a sure fire moment that proves my emotion because logic clouds the judgement of the axe of those held closest
But for now let me believe the echoes you here aren’t the same ones ringing in my brain
And that someday the pain and memories will fade away, and i’ll be face to face with a choir of angels singing your name
Because i want so desperately to believe you when you say you love me
Tell me that your echoes aren’t an echo after all
But rather a shout coming that rains out from a rooftop as i stand on the ground
I strive to praise you but these echoes stay too loud, i promise i’m trying not to see the mistakes that she made within you
I’m simply an echo of the world i built around me
Dependent on the stories they tell about me
It’s me who dreams in echoes