I hope you're happy with them

I hope you’re happy with them 

Cuz you weren’t happy with me 

I know i’m not the superhero, save the world, always joyful person you wanted me to be 

I know that i’m old news 

So i’m sitting alone on toadstools 

Thinking about our future, and you’re kissing some new boy that drools 

And i know i’m not the best sometimes, and i lied when i said i was doing fine 

So i sit here and try to feel 

And i realize that all i know how to do is rhyme, and i don’t know what’s real 

So i hope you’re happy with them, because they could give you what i couldn’t 

And thought it didn’t go according to plan 

At least you’re happy with them 

Reviews

[Green]

Honestly, I don't think you needed the rhyming. It didn't take away from anything, but this was strong enough on its own and some of the rhymes were a little forced/inconsistent. I think if you just let it come out of you as it does, that would be just as good. Of course, if you like the rhyming then keep it up, there's absolutely no wrong way to do poetry.
Sometimes moving on is realizing that you couldn't make someone happy and that someone else can. I know for me, I don't truly start to get over something until I'm able to say exactly what you did here: I hope you're happy now. It doesn't even necessarily mean you did anything wrong or that they did either. Some people just, unfortunately, aren't meant to stay in our lives. It's certainly not an easy thing to go through, but it does happen.
Also, I believe you meant though, not thought in the second to last line.
Also also, I know some people do this intentionally, but you capitalized some of the I's so I thought I'd ask, did you mean for some of them to be lowercase?

[GlendaK]

Don't let anybody tell you how to feel.

It's YOUR soul you pour out onto pages.

They can do their own thing.

Imma read your entire channel now.

[JayG]

• "I hope you’re happy with them"

Hmmm... So, from a reader's viewpoint, someone unknown hopes that someone they've not introduced is in some unspecified way happy with another unknown person? Meaningful to you, I assume, but cryptic to a reader.

I mean no insult, and I've been seventeen and know what it's like. But... Each of your posted poems mirrors the dismal damsel poems that fill high school literary magazines, written by those experiencing the letdown of a failed love.

So from the reader's viewpoint, you made your point. You reiterated your point. You drove your point home. You pounded your point into the dirt. You smashed your point to smithereens. You...

My point? Poetry is a LOT more than a way to tell others how you feel, and must be, because in the end, how many people woke today with a burning desire to know how people they don't know feel? Did you?

Readers come to poetry to be made to feel and care. They come seeking entertainment. And, "Woe is me," is a declaration, not an invitation.

Poetry can be fun, as in, The Cremation of Sam McGee:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45081/the-cremation-of-sam-mcgee

It can be silly, as Gelett Burgess demonstrates with The Purple Cow:
https://poets.org/poem/purple-cow

So, instead of lamenting events that the reader knows nothing about, and so, can't relate to, write a poem that makes the reader think, and care. Here's a poem by David Charlton, published in 2015, titled, Love Hate. It's a metrical poem, but notice how the rhymes are never forced, and seem almost accidental. Notice, too, that the author, instead of talking about themself are talking about their view of the cause of the problem, love:

Of all the emotions a person can feel,
Love is scariest and hardest to heal.
Excitement and mystery impossible to resist.
Promises of magic perpetually persist.
We long for a connection that is as strong as it is true,
But love always does as love wants to do,
So to the emotion of love, I just want to say,
I'm much better off without you; I'm glad you went away,
'Cause I'd much rather live with a heart that can sing,
A smile that struggles to be more than a grin.
I might not be happy, but at least I'm not sad,
Holding onto happiness that I never had,
Love's an impostor, a thief in the night,
Reduces flames to embers that no longer burn bright.
Love captains your emotions and steers your fate.
Love is the only emotion that I truly hate.

Another approach is to make the language, and how the thought i expressed so interesting that IT becomes the focus. This, titled, Words, appeared recently on AllPoetry.com, written by someone calling themselves LoudHallways. Notice that instead of, "Poor me," the author is talking about their response to the problem, which you may well relate to:

I have nothing to say
besides the echos in my mouth
of words I’d give to you.
They crawl up my throat, razor sharp,
then hide amongst my teeth.
They’re waiting for an opening,
but you’re not here.
You never will be.
Sometimes they slither to my chest
and wrap white-knuckled around my ribs.
I can’t remember the sound of your voice,
yet they wait; I feel them everytime I breathe.
I wish you could see what I’ve become
because I hope that you’d be able to fix me.
The broken shards that barely fit together
make up my bones and hold me up
only because you aren’t here to catch me
when I fall apart, once again.

And isn't this pretty much what you said, except that it's expressed in a way that the reader can relate to?

So, in the end, a suggestion that may take your mind from your sorrows, and perhaps be a useful and interesting project to fall in love with: acquiring the superpowers of the poet, They allow us to cause someone we'll never meet to feel any human emotion we choose, simply by our choice and placement of words. Pretty amazing, right?

Start with Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. The lady is brilliant, witty, and a damn good poet as well as a teacher. And the book is filled with gems.
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

For metrical poetry, jump over to Amazon and read the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. He will amaze you with things about language that you use every day but never notice. For a book on it, Mary's, Rules for the Dance may be a better fit, though.

Hang in there.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334