Too Much Kryptonite

Dreams

when i was 5, i wanted to be a superhero 

i would bounce around walls, and use force to protect all

superman would visit me, and i would smile at him, and thin we'd defeat the Villans 

see, i didn't need anyone to play with, because i was happy with myself 

imaginary wars, and pretend heroism 

when i was 8, i wanted to be a soldier 

so i wrote stories about great adventures fighting a war

and through my words i soared high above burning landscapes 

and kept my people safe 

i mean, it didn't matter who i was fighting, as long 

as i was fighting, because that's what a hero did 

i wanted to be a hero 

and i wanted to save everyone around me 

when i was 11, i wanted to make people happy 

so i cracked jokes to pass the time 

and i would never rhyme 

and forced my parents to listen to the same s****y jokes day, after day, after day 

god i love them, becasue they laughed even after the thousandth time 

and i would smile and hug them as my heart grew from the sound of their chuckles 

i mean, i just wanted to make them happy 

when i was 14 i felt lost 

so i got a bike and go riding around in the woods 

i would zoom past hikers, discover new worlds, and find myself 

i found dirt paths leading to nowhere 

and i found it was comforting 

so i earned for a concrete jungle just waiting to be explored 

i wished to be isolated in nature with nothing but the trees around me 

i mean, i wanted to find myself, while searching the woods for answers 

so i sit 

at 17 

while looking back at everything i've ever wanted to be 

and how no matter what, how i feel that i would never be happy with, 

with just being me 

because instead of wanting to be a hero 

i desperately want someone to be a hero and save me from my own mind 

and instead of wanting to defeat the villains 

i want to defeat the Lex Luther that lives inside the superman of my own mind 

and to replace my want to be a soldier 

is a want to end my own mental country, and use bullets to do so 

and instead of wanting to tell jokes and make people laugh i just want them to hear me 

but they can't hear me over the sound of their laughter because i don't know how to breathe 

i don't know how to sing

i wish i knew how to sing 

because maybe if it sounded pretty they would hear my plea but they won't

because now i want my ,mountain bike to crash 

i don't want to explore the dirt i want to be buried in it 

i still wanna find myself but i wanna find it my way 

i don't want them telling me, directing me, instructing me 

pulling the corners of my mouth up in a crooked smile like 

i'm the puppet and they're the masters 

i just want to find what i'm seeking after 

because trust me, i still want to be a hero, and i still want to get the one

i just want to be remembered, and i want to be sure 

that when i throw myself off this building like superman waiting to fly 

that hopefully no one i love will shed too many tears and cry 

because i just want to be a hero 

and when i don't grow up 

i want to be a hero