Magnification

You magnify the missing properties that i strove to find in this love of mine 

And you cut your hair and told me i was blind 

But for the first time in my life it feels like i can see in perfect resolution 

The conclusion of a beautiful mess of fucked up priorities and downright lies 

That relentlessly put pressure in my mind when i try to fall asleep at night 

I swore to love you until the day i die, but i was afraid that when that casket opens there would be no love left in this heart of mine 

Just an empty reflection of the day where you stopped trying when they write our romantic obituary 

And the public tries to read between the lines, they might see me as the bad guy when i was just trying to survive 

I watched the walls of this house we built turn to sand 

Even in my darkest moments i tried to stand 

So when the walls cave in maybe i can understand 

The frivolous selection of words you chose to express with your hand 

As mine strike another chord as they land 

And the soft bow that fills the room in your absence 

I came to realize that i was the sickness that plagued you when you cried

When you sought forgiveness and my cold heart couldn’t see you try 

So i shifted the blame to another place and pretended i was alright 

But to see you in his arms filled my brain with cyanide 

This is not a love poem it’s a confession of my sins 

A proctor, an a doctrine, an a solvent of my refusal to let you back in 

When the cartoons turned to talk shows and i turned into him 

I let my mind erase the memories for fear that i begin 

To drop the vail that hit my deepest fear 

When they lowered me below 

Someday you’d follow but the earth seamlessly undo what we have sowed 

And when the roots begin to use our body’s as a thrown 

I’d be a dandelion and you’d become a deadly rose 

And then your thorn would prick my stem 

And fill my body, once again, with rage and desperate attempts 

To try and finally make amends 

I saw that you had all the beauty of the seeds that we had planted in our garden 

And that the lack of love i gave to show was something to be wanted 

I thought i’d slow dance to my own poetry at our wedding 

The sound of rising scales and belted chants to signify the ending 

The trouble times we rectify and we’d say we are never parting 

Now it’s the ghost of everything we lost when we finally departed 

And i’m not mad, if i were you i’d be standing there too watching me be buried in this garden 

I’d hope that i’d become a rose and someday see a dandelion 

But oh, how sweet would it be to prick my tongue and end it where it started 

To cut my words and snip my petals where they sprouted 

Cuz i magnify the missing properties that i strove to find in this love of mine 

When you changed your hair cuz you thought that i would hate it 

You were blind for the reason our love was ever created 

So drew the conclusion of a beautiful mess of perfections and professions of love and infatuation 

I guess i wish i never fell in love if i knew that this would happen 

I swore to love you until i die but i was afraid that when the casket shut there’d be no love left in your heart 

Just the sudden realization that i was a waste of all that time 

And you deserve to find your happiness but i knew i’d never be him 

No matter how hard i tried