Slipping Through My Fingers

Nothing lasts forever.

Preface:

Love is blind to everything, even disasters.

            It was a thing that tore the world’s fragile string apart one by one. It was a thing that made me doubt that love was forever. It was an unexpected, monstrous, fatal thing that tore him from my arms forever.

            It was the day my love left me. It was the day I realized nothing was forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter One:

Fate.

          A sharp sort of pain ran through my arm. I didn’t notice it though. I was too busy staring at him. He was a special sort of nothing special. His hair was a dull brown, but in the sun was a shimmery blond. His eyes were a light brown, but sparkled like diamonds. He was a little taller than my own 5’9. His shirt was white with dirt streaks across the chest and stomach. His blue jeans were torn and rugged, fraying and white in some spots with discoloration. In his hand was a shopping bag. That bag was what brought me back to reality.

            “I’m so sorry,” he looked up at me with a look of apology and pity. He bent to the ground and helped me gather up the dropped food. I had to remind myself to breathe.

            One, inhale. Bread. Two, exhale. Bananas. Three, inhale. Apples.

            When I was finally ready to look up, I met his eyes. That was the moment I realized it. That was the moment I realized I was in love with him. It was an immediate thing. I tried to realize, to think of why I would fall for him. Was it his rugged beauty? Was it his pure simplicity? Yes, I decided, it was the sense of normality that called to me. It was the fact that he didn’t look back, call sorry, and keep on walking.

            He offered to pay; I declined, said thank you, and left. After that I thought I would never see him again. I was regretting, sure, that I had not let him pay. Maybe it would have led to going out and having coffee, having something in common, becoming best friends, then lovers. I would never know though, all because I had not let him pay. I promised myself that I would forever remember his name. John. I would forever remember John.

           

I woke up from my dream; it was like a surge of cold water. The first day of being a freshman in college. The first day of being an adult. This was the first day to the rest of my life. I had to make the best of it, even if I made a promise never to forget.

            I stumbled out of the comforting warmth of my bed. Carpet folded and squirmed between my toes. I wandered into the bathroom I shared with my suitemate. A sudden frigid coolness spread across the soles of my feet. I could feel the every detail of the tiles; where the design was made, where they were chipped, where one was met by another. I could feel it then that this was going to be an amazing day, a day of discovery.

 

            I walked out of my room, locking the door shut behind me. Books were in my purple messenger bag on my shoulder, preparing me for the day.

That’s when it happened. That’s when I saw him. That was when I saw John. A slow smile spread across his face, and I knew mine mirrored his. The smile was easy, if not more mature than the last one I saw one him. Right before he left me with the bread, bananas, and apples.

“Fancy runnin’ into you here,” his deep voice rumbled. I could not tell whether he was glad to see me or just glad to see someone he knew. Either way I was more than happy to see him, to see John. It must have been fate.

“Where’re you going to? I’m heading over to Anderson Building.” I replied showing I was equally glad to see him, to see a friendly face.

“Huh, I’m going to Anderson too. What’s your class?”

“Physics, you?”

“Greek Mythology.” He replied, his face a showing of slow disappointment. My heart sang, he was truly glad to see me!

“We could walk together, that is if you wanted to,”

“Sounds great.” He said keeping his voice even, but his eyes smiling.

 

In the classroom, the teacher’s voice droned one, but I didn’t mind. All I could think about was John. Finally, the bell gave a shrieking scream, telling us to get out of the classroom. I walked down the steps and saw the man who captured my day dreams, and I soon suspected the night ones too. First was coffee, the best friends, then lovers.

“Bread, bananas, apples,” I thought with a smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Two:

The day their love died.

“I have to go; I promise I’ll be back tomorrow. We can go hiking, sky diving, to the beach, have a picnic. We can do whatever you want. Then I have a question to ask you. I have to tell you tomorrow, not today.” He whispered in my ear, sending shivers of delight down my spine. My skin tingled and his scent filled my every being; woodsy but fresh. It was totally and completely him. It was familiar, real and comforting.  But even then, tears filled my eyes at the thought of being torn away from my heart, my soul.

“Please, don’t go,” I whispered back, entwining my fingers in his brown hair. He really didn’t have to go, it was only one meeting. One, he could miss it. Just one meeting. But, even then I knew he would never get the chance again. To become CEO would be a huge thing for him. I watched his flight flash across the screen. September 11, 2001. Flight 11. Boston to LA.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” He repeated with a secretive smile. He placed a soft kissed my forehead and walked through the terminal, bag in hand with a confident air in his stride as he placed one foot before the next.

“Goodbye, John,” I whispered to his disappearing figure, hands shaking, closing my eyes. I was trying to get a full grasp on reality.

 

At home, the phone rang. It was blaring like a hospital siren, telling me that the world was never going to be the same.

“Alex, are you there,” the voice asked

“Yeah, I’m here. Who’s this?”

“It’s John.”

“Hey are you going to land soon?”

“Something weird is happening. I think our plane’s been hijacked. Can you check the news and see what’s going on?”

I turned one the news. Fire and building falling coursed through the screen, sending tremors of fear over my body.

“Oh my God!”

“What? What is it Alex!” he asked

“Fire. Oh my God John. I think you’re going to crash into the Twin Towers! Get off the plane NOW! John, you can’t die! ” I said. I heard screaming into the background of the phones opposite destination. Tears were streaming down my face now. My body was shaking with the anticipation of what was next.

“Alex, I need to ask you something.” He paused, “Will you marry me?,” John asked, sounding worried that I would say no when he should be worried about his life and getting off of the plane. I could picture him, phone in hand, his hair messy on his head, his sparkling brown eyes being dulled to a soft chocolate brown. Dirty white shirt and scuffed shoes.

“Yes.” I whispered into the phone receiver. The tears were now pouring down my face; full-blown and complete.

“The ring is in my dresser, third drawer.” He offered me..

“You can give it to me when you get home.” I informed John.

“Alex, turn off the TV.”

“No! I’m going to stay with you! You can’t make me.”

“You’re right, I can’t,” he chuckled,” Please, turn off the TV.”

“NO! OH MY GOD! John NO!”

“Thanks for marrying me Alex.” He told me.

“John? JOHN! John! Oh my God. John.” And then the phone went dead. On the screen a plane engulfed in flames appeared. On the bottom of the screen said ‘Flight 11, Boston to LA.’

I dropped the phone and it landed on the hardwood floor with a soft thud. I was a million miles away. I was with John on his flight. I was melting in the flames with him.

That night, in the warmth of John’s and my bed, which still smelled of him; woody fresh and beautiful, I cried myself to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After Death: John

 

She was there, looking at my case which held no body. Her body trembled and she let out soft sobs. Her face was covered in tears, tears for me, tears for us, tears for what we could have been.

As I looked at her I remembered that first day. I remember how I ran into her and knocked her food all over the store. I remember how she took three deep breaths before she looked up at my face. I remember how she smiled and small shy smile as I offered to pay. I remember how she declined, and how I thought all the better of her for it.

I remember how I ‘accidentally’ ran into her knocking her food all over the floor. I remember her shocked expression as she looked at me.

I remember how I walked into the store looking for the perfect ring for her; simple, elegant, perfect. I remember finding the one. I remember writing speech after speech about how I would propose to her, how I would hold her in my arms and kiss her till she blushed if she said yes, and how I would walk to our home head hung low if she said low.

I remember how she liked her coffee in the morning. How she would always sigh and ask how I knew how to make it perfect every time. I remember the first time I told her I loved her more than I loved anything in the world, how I would give her anything to make her happy. I remember how she said how she only wanted me; and how she had the first time she saw me, as she picked up the bread, bananas, and apples.

I looked down at her from my personal heaven, thinking how it would never be complete without her.

I would just have to wait till the time was right, then when she would come, I would propose properly. I would pull out a ring and ask her to marry me and tell her how we could have our piece of perfection here.

I smiled at the thought and so did she, as if she could hear me.

She looked around and smiled, at me.

I could wait. Until then, I could be her Guardian Angel.

Yes, I could wait.

Author's Note

Reviews please? What do you think? Thanks so much for reading!

Reviews

[B.T. Lyons]

One minor typo that needs to be fixed, because it throws the whole ending: "I could wait. Until then, I could be her Guardian Angle." It should be "Angel". :)

That out of the way, this was a difficult read, not because of the way it was written, but simply because I am originally from Boston and used to work professionally with several hundred people with offices in the Twin Towers. As such it hit me very personally, but the resolution at the end with John looking over Alex was heartwarming, though I am still on the verge of tears.

I'm reminded of the song "Passage" by Vienna Teng . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiMsI5ZZ-qg

Bring tissues if you choose to listen.

[Jackie]

Thanks so much for reading this(: I really appreciate it!