Falling Into Deeper Waters

Stop me before my life is done,

Find me, falling beyond the Sun.

Approaching the horizon sullen and lost 

At the silly task of life's cost.

What? Say those who don't know

What meticulous things grow

In a forgotten stranger's broken mind.

Somethings, you will wish you didn't find.

Records of losses, losses and pain.

Little tallies or sun, more of rain.

Writing of worthless word define

That shadowy dark, fine line.

Stranger sad things yet to come,

To some innocent prisoner of glum.

Encounters on life's grieving shores.

No ice, no drug will heal the sores.

The loneliness drives deeper still

As others define this as ill will.

Ignorance seeps into those around,

Leaving this stranger without sound.

You'd quickly forget this pained young soul,

Even if you had come with a goal.

You'll leave the same, just the same as all.

A benevolent touch turned to Maul.

Soon, too soon, you will forget

This girl, this stranger, plagued with regret.

Reviews

[John Stussy]

So, all in all, this was a fantastic poem. Your rhymes were smooth, the lines flowed well, and your imagery was incredible. The only thing I could point out that needs fixing is adding the apostrophe here:
"In a forgotten [stranger's] broken mind."

Excellent work, and the two last lines made for a very strong finish. Thank you for sharing this piece.

[rnuff]

This is quite an amazing write, love the flow and rhyme scheme.
Such an emotional write, deep and powerful and well written

[CreativeStroke]

I liked the feel, the flow, and the overall scheme of this poem. You write so well and eloquently. I enjoyed the read, thank you for sharing.

[Stonz P.]

This is a great poem.. The rhyming and the the allusions are very good.
And your gloomy theme is well contained too.

Keep up the good work :)