I can't think of a title for this one .-. Sorry.

Can I just say “I’m sad” 

Or will that make for boring poetry?

Can’t I express an emotion directly?

Can’t I do anything correctly?

No, cuz I do everything abjectly

Can I show signs of self-pity?

Can I join the “I hate myself” committee?

Y’all wanna see

My pain through the art of poetry?

I’m dying slowly

But not nearly fast enough

Life is getting pretty damn tough

It’s all getting pretty damn rough

Nothing even matters anymore

I matter nevermore

“You’re a w***e"

I’m breaking down

Softly screaming inside my head

Fakes smiles all around!

When no one actually cares about me in this small town

My head filling me with dread

Me, wishing I was dead

Would that Prozac have worked?

If outta my hand, it wasn’t jerked

If I kept taking it day by day

Would my happiness come back out to play?

Am I depressed?
“Nah, you’re just fucked up”

And you wonder why I’m so stressed

You wonder why I’m always distressed

Why I’m such a big, huge mess

Always feeling like I’m pressed

Up against the wall

I just can’t have it all

I can’t be smart

People only ever see me as a tart

Am I worth anything?

Will anyone miss me when I’m gone?

“No, Nix, not a soul will miss you when you’re gone”

You’re just another peon

You’re like a puzzle missing a piece”

Never again will I have my peace…

Disturbed by the voices living inside my head

Telling me, “You’ll never be good enough”

“Life’ll always be rough”

“You’ll never heal from the childhood trauma you had to endure”

“That s**t’ll stick with you for the rest of your days”

“It’s the reason you’re so insecure”

“Don’t stress, Nix,

It’s all just displays

None of this is real

Neither is your malaise

You’re just part of someone else’s dreams

But it seems

like you’re always following all those stupid cliches

Just to receive some stupid bouquets

But we, The Voices, will always rephrase

The way love sent to you that is conveyed

And all the ways

You get praise

We’ll always twist and turn the phrase

And turn it into hate.”

Author's Note

Thanks for reading :)

Reviews

[Ballpark Frank]

I like the emotion and singular focus....but I think you are sweet and positive so I think you just put a certain cap on to write this. I know you're positive since you've certainly made me feel better about my writing. So therefore, you just got in a mood here. Intense stuff though!

[Nix is typing...]

I am sweet and positive sometimes :) or at least I try to be, but sometimes the bad side in me takes over and it gets hard to fight, so my poetry like this is actually how I'm fighting my demons, I write about my emotions, what's going through my head, and it really soothes me :)

[Einstein Noodle]

truly a moving write Ms. Nix ... depression is recognized and is diagnosed .. after all those previous years of misunderstanding and blaming the person suffering ..your poem is dark and emotive .. it raises empathy in me and i would be one to sit with you .. without words unless you asked for them .. those not suffering have this dilemma .. as when someone close has passed and people try and want and some think must .. say something .. so we just say "So sorry for your loss" etc. .. which are completely inadequate and pointless to those suffering so deeply .. but i would sit with you Nix ... yes i would .. now .. i am assuming this is confessional .. it is so raw, bleeding and totally vulnerable .. what more can poets hope to accomplish .. no matter how we attempt to say it .. i hear you loud and clear young lady .. and i am sitting here with you now.

[The Unknown Sith]

I like this , it's deep the way you pick at yourself or how nothing real, someone's dream. Nice.

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear friend, you would be missed.
"Will anyone miss me when I’m gone?
“No, Nix, not a soul will miss you when you’re gone”
You’re just another peon
You’re like a puzzle missing a piece”
I understand the above lines. I do believe. Each of us are pieces of a great puzzle. Each with a part to be played. I believe we need something to excite our soul. Love won't. We need to create, travel and become who we need to be. Hello from Michigan and thank you for sharing your amazing words and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Ziggy Matthews]

I love the introduction with all the questions. You did a great job of displaying emotion. I loved the start when you asked if you could just say you're sad. Essentially, can you be honest with your emotions. This is a great piece, and you did a fantastic job. Thank you for sharing your burdens with us, so we, the reader, can help carry the load.

[Nix is typing...]

Thank you, Ziggy :))) I always appreciate the read and review from you :)))))

[Robert Trakofler]

you
will
transcend
it
dear
NIX

[Nix is typing...]

So sweet :) Ahh, thank you, Bunny :)

[emmajoy]

Such a raw and intense piece of writing: perhaps similar tho not the same to others who carry their own hell. Is as if life gnawed at your spirit, That past fear is catching up on the now.. and, the future.. step by step. Desperately sad. BUT that said, can't help thinking, feeling, that if you could plead your life's case as your have used those powerful words above, you could conquer just about everything if you just stepped forward, somehow and soon. Could happen ..if you let it.. perhaps, maybe. Take care, keep safe.

[Fran Marie]

you just have to fight
the good fight get
rid of the emo feelings

Turn it around on
those teisted voices
in your head

..youre better
than what others think
of you..hang tough
you can do it..

nice work

[Ted Kniffen]

A lot of pain here ... too much I think. It is well displayed in your writing. These are dark thoughts, but not ones I am unfamiliar with.

Can't help but consider the Phoenix rising anew from the ashes, stretching out it's great wings in it's dance of renewal.

We are what we are as a result of all our experiences ... good ... bad ... indifferent. The battle is ours. We can choose the field on which we fight and the weapons we will use. You are choosing words. You wield them well.

Your writing demonstrates a power that is outstanding. Keep at it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

part of this reminds me of Plath's "Lady Lazarus"
the peanut crunching crowd jammed in to see her suicides...to watch her unwrap her heart with words.
j.

[Nix is typing...]

Thanks for the read and review, Jacob!!! I like the new profile pic! :) Is Hank in that one though?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, she is under my chin...

[Nix is typing...]

Ahhhh, makes for such a cute picture!!! Hank and her best buddy, J!! :)