Over-Obsessed

These things fill my head all day, every day.

Gotten really good at faking a smile

I hate myself

Couldn’t miss that by a mile

I feel dumb around smart people

I never feel smart

I never feel intelligent,

Always only ever feeling irrelevant

I’m quite over obsessive

It’s becoming depressive

I overanalyze everything

When in the end

Will it ever mean anything?

I can’t help but stress

I can’t help but try to impress

I try to use big words to sound smart

But it’s like my whole life’s been one big brain fart

I’m no good at drawing art

I feel like my looks set me apart

I feel like everything I say

Is a bit mundane

I get scared

People’ll start to complain

“Your poetry is so boring”

“It’s getting repetitive”

“Calm the f**k down,

What? You need a sedative?”

Voices scream in my head

“YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH”

“YOU’LL DIE ALONE!!!”

Gee, that’s tough

Maybe that’s what they’ll put my gravestone

“Nix,

“Loved by none

“So with life

“She was done”

Author's Note

I tend to over obsess about my work, no matter if it's a poem, a story or even a simple email. I'll read it and reread it, and reread it again like...a million times, and even after all the changes and edits, I still feel it's not good enough.
Thoughts?

Reviews

[Audrey M.]

Nix I hope what I have to say helps in some way. When you write, you write for YOU !! Not for the masses..YOU!! You write because you have something to say, to share, to get off your chest. You have to give that part of you inside its voice and let it shine.

If you have people being negative, well you can choose to ignore it and keep trekking. You can choose to delete their comments or block them. But you have to understand too that when you put yourself out there in the world, you have to learn to accept the good with the bad. It's just out there and you won't always here things the way you might want to. How you choose to answer it is up to you. Will you let it make you or break you? Hang in there Nix. We've all had bad or negative reviews and stuff. Don't let it bother you.
And don't be so hard on yourself NIx, You Are Enough, God created you in his image.
Smile : )

[Nix is typing...]

It certainly did :) I do write a lot (a lot was italicized) for the masses...but I also write for myself. I've been on the Cafe for...maybe thirteen days? And I've worked really hard and I'm already getting over a hundred views on works I had just posted like... two days prior. I get a lot of joy from seeing someone reviewing something that I worked so hard on and wrote. Most of my other poems are of me getting something off of my chest, this one was one, too. It was me trying to convey that I think all these things...and I just...can't not. Insecurity and madness like to drive my poems (Like "The Voices", "My Trauma", "My Past", "Stitches", "Over-Obsessive", etc.) and I like to think that my ability to keep it real with my readers is what's made me so popular (Or so I've been told) around the Cafe so quickly! 😄 I loved your review, LateNightMuse, it was very sweet and well-thought-out. Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and review it.

Nix ❤️

[Audrey M.]

You're so welcome : )

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

I believe you are good enough, and I’m sure everyone here thinks the way same way. We all have our own qualities and different things we are good at, we don’t have to be good at everything. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses makes you a better person, as you grow from it. All of our qualities and flaws makes us who we are today and it also divides us from us each other to make everyone else unique. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We are all valued and are all worth it.

[Nix is typing...]

Thank you, LDC!!! Your review was very sweet!!! Thanks for reading and reviewing!!! :)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

You’re very welcome. ❤️

[MoriartyMesa]

“YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH”

“YOU’LL DIE ALONE!!!”

Whom ever said that must be someone jealous of the fact you can relate your feelings to word's, oppose to an angry yelp comment. Take me advice and tell those people that say you will die alone and let them f-themselves... Your a smart person, don't let outsiders or insiders bother you. It takes more courage to express emotion than it does to get behind an iPhone and piss and moan about things.

[Nix is typing...]

hehe, I'm glad you liked my poem!! :)
" Take me advice and tell those people that say you will die alone and let them f-themselves..." - Lol thanks, I will definitely take that advice!! It was really sweet! Thank you for your kind words, MoriartyMesa!! Thanks for the read and review!!

[Greg Gorman]

A lot of people roll out of bed with dread and negative thoughts. They need to fake it from the time they leave their home to the time they finally get back to the security and comfort of home. You feel inferior. You "feel dumb around smart people." That can be intimidating but you are always going to be around people who are smarter, better-looking, more athletic. What matters most is that you are you. When I was in school, people were amazed about how confident I was; How I seemed like I had everything figured out. A small group of us went to the same college and people were shocked that I wasn't worried or intimidated. The truth is I had no idea what I was doing in any of those situations but no one else had to know that. You need to put yourself out there. You need to live your own life. You have to do what's best for you and take chances. The lesson: No one has any idea what they're doing or how things really work. The only difference is some people let everyone know they don't know and others let people think they know.
You don't need to stress. Someone, some people, not everyone but there will be some people who will be impressed with you and what you have to offer. The worst thing you can do is change yourself or be phony in order to get someone's approval. Who knows? Down the road you may not even be so impressed with that person down the road. Maybe you thought you did but once you really get to know that person, they weren't as great as they seemed. What then? You spent all that time trying to create a persona and living up to that persona. There may be a time where you need to take that mask off. You lied to them. You lied to yourself. Was it worth it? Obsessing over something can only lead to disappointment. Disappointments, over time, can lead to depression. Take care of yourself. Do what makes YOU happy. You don't need to worry about the others, especially those who can't or won't accept you for who you are. Will it ever mean anything? Yes. To the right people. You'll find out who those are soon enough. Don't rush it by altering yourself for the approval of one or a few.

Calm the f**k down. That is something that needs to be said more often. People need to relax. Enjoy themselves. Enjoy life. You have the power to control the voices in your head. You are the queen. Hold your court and decide who you want to listen to. Your writing speaks to so many people. It gives a voice to those who don't know how to express themselves. It gives hope to those who think they have none or no one is listening. People are listening. People are relating. All the time. Hold off on that gravestone and think about putting more words on paper instead.

[Nix is typing...]

Wow...that's a lot of words...
Thanks for the advice, Greg. I'll definitely take that into consideration. I loved everything you said. Thank you so much for your read and your time to make this review!!! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Hello dear Nix. I wanted to die alone. The world wouldn't allow it.
"Nix,
“Loved by none
“So with life
“She was done”
We learn wisdom when we don't accept negative opinions. We must like and enjoy what we do. You are a good writer and one day. A great writer. Like Charles Bukowski told me a long time ago. You write like s**t, live and suffer some more. Then you will write better. Writing is steady flow of learning. Otherwise. We never stop trying to be better. Thank you dear poet for sharing your amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Nix is typing...]

Thanks, Coyote :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Chris Shaw]

Over critical about oneself and lacking confidence. That's what came through here. Something which quite a few young people suffer from and can grow out of. It takes alot of effort to learn to love yourself, but it's well worth the effort. If you can like yourself, many other things fall into place. As to the negative critique, that comes with posting poetry on a website. Not everyone is diplomatic, some people are brutal. . You have to get used to that Nix.

Chris

[Nix is typing...]

Thanks for your review, Chris :)

[Alexandrea May]

I think you are very good with flowing each line together. I really love the way this reads! It's okay to be obsessive about your work, it's pieces of you that you're sharing with the world. It's very brave of you to put this out there and it's a wonderful poem! Love it and big time relate to it.

[Nix is typing...]

Thank you for your review!!

[barleygirl]

You plunge us inside the obsessive-compulsive perfectionist self-slaughter that happens inside many people's heads, not just yours. Another way of describing creativity block. Or this could be about how he can't make himself reach out and interact with her, even tho he's crazy in love with her. Your poem paints the severely self-critical young woman with a few extra pounds, self-loathing becuz her stomach isn't perfectly flat (most would die to have her body). It goes on & on. To you, it feels like something that only you are stupid enuf to be tangled up in, but this is the human condition (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Kari Rakitan]

These sound like some very difficult demons to overcome. The image goes very well with the poem.

[Nix is typing...]

Once again, Kari, your observation is correct. Thank you! I always strive to make the picture go well with my poems if I decide to put one. :))
Thanks for your review, Kari! 🤗

Nix ❤️

[jacob erin-cilberto]

never feel dumb, Nix...
Those who try to make you feel dumb really have no confidence in their own intelligence and want to put others down to make themselves feel better.
It's the way it is.

[Nix is typing...]

Thank you for this sweet review, Jacob!!

Nix ❤️