Airborne Embers

This was a personal feeling that I'd been meaning to put into words for a few days. It was something that was brewing inside and couldn't be avoided. It didn't seem finished when i first posted this, but it's now updated. :)

She lay watching midnight fireflies

with her back upon an ash of airborne embers,

while you walk the nylon threads woven between her fingertips

and climb those sweet illusions.

Her lips, rendered by yours

expose and converse in romantic overtones

leaving you with an ache in your belly only she can ease.

Lovingly.

Her hands tip-toe the ambit of your empire,

fanning the flames and exciting those little embers

now dancing in the shadows of an orange silhouette.

Like lost lovers, once forgotten,

you succumb again.

Till those sparks chase away the darkness

and die in view of daylight.

 

 

Author's Note

Written March, 2009.

Reviews

[Honeypot]

Well, you are a much better poet than I am, but I wouldn't change a bit about it. Its sensual and seductive. I love the part "While you walk the nylon threads woven between her fingertips". Your poems are always a joy for the senses. I love the midnight fireflies and airborne embers. This poem has a feel of floating and just experiencing the moment. Its really petty just the way it is. I'm sure there are better poets out there that could give you some great ideas though. Wonderful job!

[Vanillerotica]

Great title, and wonderful language. That emotion must have been really something to get something like this.

[Brianna Brie]

Her hands tip-toe the ambit of your empire,
fanning the flames and exciting those little embers
now dancing in the shadows of an orange silhouette.

Super job writing this one!

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

This is a beautifully written piece. Loved it.

[Honeypot]

Ok, you said it felt incomplete to you before, but it seemed fine to me. I was wrong. This is better. Its got an ending that goes full circle now. Its still got a loving yet sad quality to it. "You succomb again" makes it seem like a dance you've done many times and will do many more. "Till those sparks chase away the darkness and die in view of daylight" gives it a dreamlike feeling. Its temporary and once daylight comes its back to reality. I think it seems complete now. Still love it.

[malmal412]

i love it.

great poetry.. can't wait to read more

and
PS. thx for reading and commenting my poems i hope that u enjoyed them

[Shadow Writer]

A stunning piece. Loved the imagery in this write. Phantom......

[Markymark]

I think this piece needs some finality. It dies with a thought. The metaphor is strong and yes, sensual, but leaves this reader, anyway, wanting the center section to be expanded before the final lines

Till those sparks chase away the darkness
And die in view of daylight.

It's a beautifully worded poem. It's too dreamy and fantasy filled to leave so short. But that's just my take, I hate short pieces like the Japanese forms, others love them though. I'd wait for more reviews to make a decision on it. It makes me want to go read more of your pieces. Great ink.

Markymark

[Michael X]

Wow- I loved this, what I admired most, the sincere depth and romantic aspect the speaks of a still, quiet
moment captured and you executed the enlightened thought with essence, the structure is articulate,
slowly allows the reader to feel the fire light flickers which has transporting effect and a floating sense
of warmth from lulling passions, from night to day, you take the heart on a subtle journey,
I find myself lost in your words and who would want to be found?!