The boat

In an attempt to describe the conflict between fear and the desire to escape the past, I sought to capture that lost hope hidden between the lines of our thoughts.

_Like a lost boat in the ocean, the waves of my thoughts, dancing in my brain. The anxiety and fear are like a torn sail who doesn't let the winds of hope lead( steer ) the boat to the shore of safety.
Maybe this little boat might remain lost in the vast ocean forever. With this little girl aboard, she is also lost, devoid of feelings, unaware of the meaning of peace.
She misses her old mother and father, she misses home and the warmth of safety.

_One cold night, she was awake suffering from emptiness, unusually, the atmosphere became warm, and the sun rose earlier. Could she be dreaming, Perhaps ?
A warm hand held hers, and at last, she will leave this damp boat.

_Suddenly, she felt scared and uncomfortable. Maybe this wasn’t real. What if he leaves me in the middle of the ocean again? she thought. Quickly, she pulled her hand away. The weather worsened, the wind grew stronger, and storms raged. Why did I do this? she asked herself. Maybe I’m not good enough to leave this boat.

_Days come and go, nothing changes, the same feelings, same thoughts, I wish I had wings , "I wish I had hope."

_He came again, but this time he tried to fix the sail. I asked, 'Why?' He smiled warmly and replied, 'Why not?' I’m confused. 'Why not?' That’s not an answer to me. 'Why not?' means nothing and everything at the same time. I’m curious... really curious. Who is this person? Or is it the fever making me see things like this?

_Maybe he’s the hope I’ve been missing and waiting for all my life. But what if he leaves me again? I’m afraid, I’m scared. I can’t trust him. He must want something from me. But… I have nothing to give.

_My boat is fine now; I can control the way it moves. I want to thank him, but he’s not here. I’m starting to miss him. Stop... what are you doing?" she said to herself. "Don’t be stupid. He can’t be that good. You’re not special�"no one even your parents cared enough to stay. Look at yourself: just a body without a soul, lost and without direction. You’re nothing but the remains of who you used to be. You can’t be whole again. You’re just... nothing."

_Colder nights of longing creep in. On this damned boat, there’s no taste of happiness. She’s weaker now, endlessly waiting�"days and nights blending into one. She yearns to feel that warm hand again, to see that warm smile once more. Maybe... just maybe, she’s in love. Maybe she sees him as a white thread leading her to paradise. Maybe.



_She wakes up, hardly able to open her sleepy eyes, feeling a passionate hug. "This is so comfy, I love it," she says, and closes her eyes again to feel that deep emotion. She doesn't care who the person is.

"It feels like... like home," she whispers.

It’s him, I’m sure. The place is different; there’s no water. It’s... it’s nothing�"just me and him. Is this the paradise I was dreaming of?

I don't care. I’m with him now. I don’t care if it’s hell, at least I’m with him.

For the first time, I can see him clearly. His face is simple but magical. Those eyes remind me of the vast ocean, and I’m lost in them. His smile... I’m going insane over it. His body�"I tried to touch it. It's a body! Nothing magical, but nothing normal either. Why is he so special to me?

We talked. Every word that comes out of his mouth makes me see this empty place in a different way.

From time to time, I get lost in his new thoughts, but sometimes I’m just surprised by how ordinary he is.
_An angel or..... a repentant devil, " Am I his repentance "

A big puzzle , an open book. I don't know.
Like a mysterious box full of lies of the past and details of the present. Dust fills the place, hiding the details. The more I blow, the more secrets I find.
I want to keep this box for myself. I don’t want anyone to see it, touch it, or open it. Give me the key, and I will throw it away and create a new one, one just for me. This box is mine.



MAYBE AT THE END I DON'T LOVE HIM , I JUST LOVE THE WAY HE MAKES ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF , OR MAYBE , SIMPLY I LOVE HIM.

Author's Note

As a first-time writer, I would appreciate your honest thoughts on my work.

Reviews

[Ookpik]

Hey Niso,

In response to your request for honest thoughts, I'd say that what you've posted here is an honest and raw piece of work. It's very unique, and offers a portrait of intimacy, and longing. For me, the passages that are strongest are when the speaker (written in first person) connect the subject (your 'him') to the feeling of belonging one gets when they're at home. I think that's the root of your portrait, and it characterizes the whole piece in a very layered way.

Besides the writing, I think that what you've described is one-half of an interesting story - love, at least in my view, is when two people share the feelings you've described above, when they're mutual, and in my experience when only one person feels this way (or when the love is unrequited) it isn't always a healthy thing to hold onto.

That said, I'm projecting those thoughts and they aren't necessarily a direct product of your work.

My only feedback is that the word 'angel" is misspelled, and I otherwise certainly enjoyed reading.

Thanks for posting,

-Ook

[Niso]

Hello Ook

Thank you so much for your honesty, I appreciate it and I am happy that you liked it, and also thank you for alerting me, I will correct the mistake.