Why lots of things...

I know now...

Part Two: Why lots of things…

As I walk down 5^th Street and Raining Avenue wondering why so many people take time to go shopping. I begin to know a little better of how deeply insecure and lonely I am. I consider how many friends I am suppose to have with me at this moment. If I need to impress each person enough for them to like me, even if it isn't the "me" I want them to know. Overall, I’m just walking down this busy street alone with nothing but my backpack.

 The cold day outside in the downtown of the city still has a faint glow of sunshine. Sun in the summertime is when things are easy, particularly when you are little around your first years of life. I guess that’s my conclusion to why lots of things used to sparkle; now they just seem dim and broken. I rather try hard to focus on the beauty and lightness of stuff, nothing that could be considered sulking.

“Hey… Emma.” Is all he says for a few more seconds standing there distant. My mind wonders back to reality when I set eyes on my sibling smoking a cigar against an old landmark. If that is what you consider an old run-down café spot next to a bike store.

“Hmm...” As much of a statement or question my reply was, he knew what I meant. My thoughts were readable to him; at least my thought process stays old.

Everything is mirroring new, but I stay the same “me” I’ve been. I’m not good enough for him anymore. He’s moving on to what he thinks is awesome and enjoyable.  All I can be is an add-on of his bill payments that he owes each month. 

Month by month he gets worst, more into what he’s doing and of course I get scraped aside. Slowing dragging forward, hanging on, wishing that each small portion of everything I’ve known stays unblemished.

I must be the burden that he can never get rid of after dad and mom passed away. Why else would he choose to downgrade our lives? The more thoughts I continue to put forward about this dilemma the worst I feel about putting him down.

Our happy life together, small family, what you want to call it, I won’t let it go to fragments no more. I need to fight through this circumstance. I’m starting now at this very moment to figure out my purpose. Finally, taking in that I’m somebody needed is more than middle-ground understanding, it’s concrete.

I really was deciding on running away from home, but it is clear that Vincent truly needs me. I got to figure out how I can get the appropriate help he needs. I’ve got to pull the rest of my life together just enough to keep going for the worth.

“Hey, Pretty Girl… You should come over here.” He wasn’t bad looking from where Vinny and I were standing. In fact, he was better looking than most of the guys at my high school.

“You’re eighteen-years-old right?” Once the spiky-hair one asked that, the rest of the four guys turn to look. I keep looking at the first guy, at this moment wanting him to be mine. The idea of having someone made me feel good. My minds been running wild this whole day cutting from one topic into the next continuously.

“Okay Emma lets go now before they decide to come to you.”  My brother looks a bit too cross staring back at them. Each one of them seems even more uptight than ever now. They begin to walk, closing the distance between us. Guy one hit Vincent in the jaw following triumphantly with a smirk. The others began to beat him down.

“Vinny.”  A light muster of his name no one could hear is what came out of my mouth. Fighting to scream for anything, I walk up and tug hard on the sleeve of one of the four. Right away he pushes me backwards and I start stumbling to the sidewalk.

Afterwards I hear the cops close by, not even a block down the street. Someone hear must have integrity, if I knew who I’d thank them. For the entire rest of night after that incident everything felt like an outer-world-experience. 

Author's Note

This part might not be part two. I will continue to work on this storyline at a slow pace. Expanding it in different areas. I hope that this peace continues with the realness it evokes while becoming more interesting.