Limerick - Attempt 1

Your shadow all in black and blue

As you go far, it's brighter too

It doesn't bite

I think I might

Just love it more than I love you !

Author's Note

This one is my first attempt at a limerick ...
I'm sure there's a long way to go to call it a proper Limerick.
Please help me out !! :)

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Hi Niruparma. Couple of comments. As regards the content of the poem, I like the topic of the shadow. You would probably know that shadows have been written about in poems, songs etc since for ever, so it's hard to find a new angle, but you have some nice concepts here - the brightness, the idea that the shadow is more loveable.

Second comment is the meter, which I would say is not limerick. Think of 3/4 time musical bars. I have just counted in my head, and there should be 13 such bars, arranged 3 3 2 2 3. To show what I mean, here's an instant example which means nothing, but sticks rigidly to the meter and rhythm

There was a - young fellow - called Peter
Who had a - godmother - named Rita
When out on - excursions
They tried dif - ferent versions
Of sitting - upon a - two-seater

Hope this helps

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot for these valuable comments :)

[Emily]

I love it!!!
Keep it up!!

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot

[GeekyGamer128]

I enjoyed the playful nature of the poem! Great job on this one! Keep it up!

[Nirupama.H]

Thank you :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice use of words. I like the energy of the words leading to the good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[CA Anurag Sharma]

I was alien to this style of writing. Thanks for introducing me to this form of writing. Lovely write. Thanks for sharing

[Nigel Newman]

Just to be really pedantic about this, you can also drop the final syllable on every line, so long as it's on all lines. So in terms of syllables, it could be 8 (3, 3, 2) 8 (3, 3, 2) 5 (3, 2) 5 (3, 2) 8 (3, 3, 2). So in your poem, lines 1, 2 and 5 have the 'right' number of syllables, but not quite the right meter.

I know this sounds critical and that you were just experimenting. So please regard these comments as genuine attempts to be helpful.

Regards
Nigel

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot for your time and effort.
I've just started learning the basics of poetry (mostly by myself through blogs and other similar resources). Your comment has been extremely helpful to me.

[Sandra Nair]

Done it well, Nirupama. First attempt!!!

[Terry O'Leary]

An amusing lim... well done!!

[Nirupama.H]

Thank you :)

[M P Ramesh]

nirupama,
The case of seeing images in a way which will take the reader to its unknown pastures, is an age old practice being done by writers. The fact is that how you approach and manifest it. The craft seems to be at its peak.
Carry on.....



M P Ramesh

[Nirupama.H]

Thanks a lot !! :)