Treasure Hunters (Or the Adventure of Indiana Jenny, the Temple of Gold, and... Jason)

Jenny and Jason don't make the best team of treasure hunters. They argue, can't open secret passages without a sledgehammer, and destroy priceless artifacts. But, maybe this time it'll all work out...

“I cracked it this time! I really did!”
“That’s what you said the last 133rd time you tried to open the secret passage.”
I ignored her, pressed the symbols and pushed the sandy wall.
“See!?! There it...” I exclaimed, then sighed, “doesn’t go.”
The door didn’t even budge. With another sigh, I went back to studying my map and books.
“You’d think the builders of ancient lost temples would show some courtesy to greedy, gold-lovin’ treasure hunter!” My partner in crime, Jenny kicked the 10,000 year-old door mosaic with her combat boots.
“Don’t hurt it!” I squealed at the boot dent she had left, “That’s a million dollars just gone down the drain!”
She gave me her infamous ‘Jason-If-You-Don’t-Stop-Being-Such-An-Archeology-Geek...’ scowl, “Oh, sorry, but I was under the impression all the gold junk was behind this door!”
“Yeah, but...” I trailed off, “Museums can only hold so much gold and statues. They like cursed, hieroglyphic walls too.”
“Well, guess what, ‘Professor King Tut’? I like gold more than cursed walls.”
“Alright, alright.” I knew arguing with Jenny was hopeless, “Go ahead and bang your head on it! Get cursed with an eternal headache. See if I care! I quit!” With a huff and a puff, I threw the ancient map, All a Treasure Hunter Needs to Know about Opening Secret Passages and Hieroglyphs for Dummies down on the cold, stone tiles.
I had just about enough of Jenny-this and Jenny-that. Adjusting my glasses up my nose, I stared back haughtily, daring her to try cracking the hieroglyphic code without my help.
“Don’t stick your chin out, it makes you look like a walrus,” She giggled, “And I’m not afraid of curses.” Saying that, Jenny reached into her pink camo backpack and pulled out a sledge hammer. “Step away, Jason-dear!”
The hammer’s head swung back at a one-hundred-and-eighty degree angle-
“Wait! You’re not really going to...”
But, ‘Babe Ruth’ had already swung her homerun.
“Bang!”
“BANG!”
“Still not open?” Jenny grinned at the cracked marable, and wiped the sweat off her face with a sleeve.
“BANG!”
The cursed wall now held a large hole in its center.
A hole into which Jenny was already climbing in.
“That’s how you open a secret passage.” She grinned back at me.
“That’s how you destroy a priceless artifact!” I retorted, angry that she managed without my help.
“Hey! Look, if we find any more cursed walls, they’re all yours. Capish?”
“Thanks...” I mumbled sarcastically. Jenny probably didn’t even hear me; she had already gotten her pink flashlight out and was scaring all the bats in South America out of their hiding spots. “Oh, why do I always go along with your plans? I could have sworn I quit a minute ago!”
“Your plans just never work.” Jenny answered as nicely as she could, and handed me her flashlight, “Come on!”
She had a point, but I wasn’t going to admit it.
“It’s dark in here!” I whispered, shivering, “And cold.”
“And if a little dork I know won’t stop complaining...” Jenny’s fingers tapped on the sledge hammer, ominously echoing in the passage.
Gulp!
I smiled with as much false cheer I could muster, “It’s very nice in here! Bright and warm and-”
“Creeeeeeeeek!”
We both jumped at the sound.
“What was that?” Jenny’s eyes darted around the room, her hands gripping the sledgehammer so hard her knuckles turned white. Lifting the flashlight, I sent a shaky column of light down the passage.
I had a bad feeling I knew.
“Trap!”
Then, like the good friend I was, I flung myself at Jenny- sending us both tumbling down- and safe from the fleet of poisoned darts which flew out of nowhere.
“Getoffme!” That’s Jenny’s form of a ‘thank you for saving my life’.
“But even though lying on top of Jenny was far from my dream come true, I couldn’t move.
I was petrified.
“There’s a-a skeleton!” I pointed a shaky finger.
Straight in front of me, Jenny’s flashlight revealed the remains of a cracked and crushed corpse.
Probably a treasure hunter... just like me.
“Oh, huh, I wonder what killed him?” Jenny nonchalantly examined a fractured arm, which disintegrated in her hand.
“I dunno,” I snapped back irritably, “what do people usually die of in ancient temples? Old age?”
“Ha, very funny Jason.” Jenny frowned harder, shining her flashlight to reveal the entire skeleton, “That’s weird... it looks like he’s been rolled over by a giant rolling pin!”
Something suddenly lit up behind her.
And that something was rolling towards us.
“Or, it could have been that giant flaming boulder.” I pointed out, helpfully.
“OMG!”
Ah, a rare moment when Jenny shrieked like a girl.
“What are you waiting for? Run!” She pulled me backwards.
I didn’t need to be told twice.
“There! In here!” Jenny dragged me through a crack in the cobweb wall. The flaming ball rambled past us leaving the skeleton’s bones smoking.
“Let’s get the gold and get outta here.” Jenny nervously stepped out of the crack. I followed, brushing off spiderwebs and bugs from my polo-shirt.
“Good plan.” For once, I agreed with her completely.
Sticking close together like sardines in a can, Jenny and I tiptoed forward, down the temple’s dark corridor, jumping at every ‘creakkk!’ and ‘snnnnap!’. Once every couple of seconds, I would look down at the map and pretend I knew where we were going.
“This treasure room, it looks kinda like an altar-thing, right?”
“Well, yeah- duh. We’re in an ancient temple.”
“Hm, and are there many statue-things in this treasury?”
“Well, I guess. They are probably going to be gods or something; protectors of the temple and tombs, decoration, religious relics...” I shrugged.
“I think I’d prefer a wreath of lilies on my tomb instead of a seven foot statue.”
“Seven foot stat-” I looked up and followed Jenny’s light into an open doorway, “I don’t see anything!”
“You’re nearsighted, Foureyes.” She said, tapping my glasses’ thick rims.
It wasn’t fair. I was the one who’d been scrutinizing the map. Yet, Jenny found the gold.
But, before I could start whining though, Jenny hopped into the treasure chamber like it was her own bedroom.
The pink flashlight pranced around the room searching for the gold. Au, atomic number seventy-nine. Anything sparkly.
“Woah.” I teetered towards the nearest statue: an angry man with a unibrow and a veil of cobwebs.
Jenny tsked, disappointed. “That’s all? A bunch of old, dusty modern art? Where’s the gold and my ruby necklaces?”
“Those statues are made of solid gold!” I felt like shaking her, but instead, took an antibacterial wipe from back pocket and began to wipe the grime and dust off, “See?”
A golden dose glittered under the unibrow.
“CRASH!”
Jenny. Swung. Her. Hammer.
“What did you do?” I cried.
The statue had been decapitated by Jenny’s wrecking ball service.
“Made our gold ‘carry-on’ sized, duh.” She picked up the gleaming nose and stuffed it into her jeans pocket.
“You broke a-a billion dollar st- st-statue!” I trembled, even my voice shaking with fury.
“Hmm? A billion bucks? Well... Jeesh, we can tape it back together.” Jenny rolled her eyes like it was not biggie.
“Ta- tape it ba-back together?” I stomped like a little kid, then shouting at the top of my lungs yelled, “That’s it! I’m taking the sledgehammer!”
Not my best idea.
The temple roared and shook its prone-to-cave-ins ceiling.
“Nice going, Einstein.” Jenny grabbed my collar and dragged me out.
“My statues!” I wailed.
“My gold!” Jenny snarled sarcastically, “Do I look like I’m cryin’? Nope! Now let’s RUN!”
By now huge chunks of rock were falling, crushinh my statues into gold dust. The rocks over me shook, threatening to turn me into human-dust.
I had to admit, Jenny had a point.
Sighing, I thought philosophically: My life- well, our lives- were more important than any treasure in this dump. Right?
“There!”  Suddenly, Jenny stopped- making me run into her headfirst.
“What is it?” I rubbed my bruised forehead.
“Your cursed wall,” Jenny pointed to another hieroglyphs wall and gave me the hammer, “Remember? I promised that the next one’s all yours... but this time, let’s not spend one-hundred-and-thirty-three different secret codes.”
“Ha-ha, very funny.” I grumbled and took a weak swing with the hammer.
It hardly made a dent.
Jenny looked back at the shaking ceiling, “Yeah..Try to speed it up, Jason. There’s just a slight possibility we might pass into the next life.”
Encouraging words.  
I swung again.
“Bang!” More rocks flew.
“Oh, if you want something done do it yourself!” Jenny growled and grabbed her hammer back.
Every swing she made, seemed only to be contributing to the cave in.
“Jenny!” I cried, clinging on to her with my eyes shut tightly, “If we don’t get out of this alive, I just want you to know, that all of that treasure and gold could never match-
“Jason...” Jenny interrupted me, “Jason!”
“What? I blinked.
Air. Birds. Trees. Sunlight.
Turning to look behind me, I saw the remains of hieroglyphic rocks, covering the gate to the lost temple.
“Oh, we made it.” It finally dawned on me, “That was a-a priceless piece of history! And we- we destroyed it!”
“Yep, and you were going to say something...” Jenny’s eyes shrinked suspiciously, “About how all that gold could never match-”
“Nevermind!” I answered quickly, too quickly. “I, uh, meant... I’m not going in there for all the gold in the world!”
“Hm.” She, to my relief, let it go, “I heard of this diamond mine in South Africa. Abandoned because of all it’s supposedly cursed, but still filled with diamonds... no gold!” She added quickly, seeing my expression.
“Uh-huh. And how would we ever afford a trip to Africa? And the equipment?”
Jenny reached into her jean pocket and pulled out the golden nose.
“This should cover any and all expenses.” Her blue eyes had that beautifully wicked gleam again.
Oh, nose! Here I go again...
“Well, as long there’s no gold, or cursed walls, or traps, or temples-