Orientation for the Recently-Deceased

A very short story I wrote in 8th grade... I think the prompt was: Imagine a life without ________.

Three men hung on three looped ropes.
The third had only been recently admitted on the tree branch and not knowing the job description, felt a bit lost. The wind swayed him back and forth and side-ways on its Gothic swing.
“So, we just hang here?”
“Just about, my dear inquisitive neighbor.” The corpse on his right, who currently was valiantly battling a raven for his single, remaining eye, rolled his head towards the new comer.
“Nah, we do other ‘tufffff to.” The hole were the third corpse’s tooth was supposed to be gapped open like the entrance to a dragon’s lair. Only in this case, not even the bravest knights wanted to know what lay inside.
“Oh, like what?”
The naive, lately-deceased swung eagerly towards Tooth-Less.
“Well… we shoo off ‘dem ravens an’ crows-
“And vultures!” One-Eye butted in, not wanting to be left out of the lecture.
“Yessss, an’ a vulture or two… Then we fffriten’ young ladsss and lassiesss!”
“And tourists!” One-Eye chirped in.
“On Wednesdayssss we giff lectures on why ye shouldn’t lead a liffffe of crime.” Tooth-Less ignored One-Eye’s comment.
“After all we are highly-trained experts!” One-Eye chuckled at his own joke.
“Ah…” The Recently-Deceased Corpse tried to straighten his jaw into a forced smile. Giving up, he changed the topic, “What about the health plan?”
“It’s excellent!” One-Eye took off, before Tooth-Less could steal his educational-moment’s dim spot light, “It completely covers all your ailments! An unlimited number of sick days! You’ll absolutely love ‘hanging out’ here with us. Aha-aha-aha!” One-Eye wheezed at his own joke again, wiping away tears that would have been streaming from his single eye, if he had still been part of the ‘Living’ population.
“Healfff plan? Yes dead! Ye can’t get sick!” Tooth-Less snapped, breaking off another rotting molar.
“That is a false assumption, my good gentle-corpse. Why last week I caught such a terrible cold, I had to take the entire day off!”
“They let you go home?”
“Of course not! Not after what I did to the manor lord’s daughter. I simply hung here, enjoyed a nice spring breeze, tightened the rope around my neck…”
“What did-
“’E thinksss e’s a doctor. A miracle-worker. Ssssold ssssome rejuvenating cream to Lady What’ffff-Her-Name. It was supposed to ‘cure pimples’.”
“Did it?”
Tooth-Less snorted, “Her face became covered in warts a week after she applied it.”
“Oops?” One-Eye grinned innocently- well, as innocently as a decaying corpse could manage.
“He’sss uselesss! Afffter he caught that ‘couffff’, he leffft me to deal wiffff dem hooligans!”
“Cough? Cough! That was a fever, my dear, decomposing, dangling dead-man! Probably from a highly contagious disease! Maybe even the plague! ‘A cough’, hmp!”
The new comer shrunk away from the feud. His orientation wasn’t going well.
“Oh! What’s that, over there? Look!”
The two ropes twisted in the direction the novice was pointing.
An army of black, feathered clouds stormed the sky, screeching, clawing- beady red eyes fixed on the owners of three tightly woven ropes. Unfortunately, the owners couldn’t movie their vehicles.
So they were going to get… confiscated.
“Dratssss, it’ssss the birdssss!”
“I don’t remember you mentioning ‘getting mauled up by flesh-feasting birds’ in the job description!” The Recently-Deceased Corpse yelped.
“Funny, I knew I wassss fffforgetting sssomething!”
“Well, that concludes our Undead Orientation. I hope you find your profession at Hanged-Men and Corpserated to your liking.” One-Eyed finished dramatically, his one eye stuck staring skywards at the cloud of crows.
“Well, it’s a good thing we’re dead, isn’t it?” If the dead could shiver and quake, the Recently-Deceased Corpse did just that.