Just an illusion

A man and a girl and an abandoned school. For a contest.

"Daddy! Wake up! You promised to take me remember?" Maggie and cute little 8 year old girl stood at the edge of the bed. She wore a black and white polka-dot dress and had curly brown pigtails. Her eyes were a faded green color, but that green color stood out the most from her. " Ok, ok I'm up." A middle aged man stood up. He got dressed ad wore a plaid grey shirt and some light brown cargo shorts. He also had is normal accessory, which was some flying goggles his wife had given him. He wore those almost all the time. " ok let's go, I'll take you to school because mommy is busy." The man grabbed Maggie's little hand. They walked down a road that had been overgrown with lots of different flora and fauna. The sunlight peaked through the thick trees. " To bad mommy is busy, she could have joined us on our walk." Maggie smiled. The man just smiled. After all the walking, the school finally came into sight. It was brick red, and in perfect condition. Children were playing outside and laughing with joy. This seemed like the most perfect school. " Goodbye Maggie. Have fun. I love you." The man bend down and kissed Maggie on the forehead. " I know daddy. I love you too." Maggie ran to go join her other class mates. The man after that had the same schedule. He went home and waited for Maggie to be done with school and after that his wife would get him. It was finally at that time when Maggie would be done with school. The man walked down the same road that he walked down with Maggie. He stopped when he saw the school. His jaw dropped. The perfect brick red school he saw before was burnt and windows had been broken, foundation had been destroyed and it looked awful. "Maggie!" The man yelled. He ran to the entrance. He could still hear laughing children, but why did it look like this when it didn't before. He rammed the doors and stumbled inside. The halls lead into rooms that had been forever dark. The floors had been pulled up and it was very dusty inside. He saw I figure withe same dress Maggie had on run up the stairs. "Maggie!" The man ran up the stairs after her. As soon as he put weight on one step he fell through. That way was unsafe, but he needed to follow Maggie. He continued up the stairs. He came to a long, dark hallway. He heard a child laughing, and saw Maggie's pigtails flying behind her as she ran into another room. The man man after her. He dead ended in an empty room. He suddenly flashed back to when this room was full of children. He used to help out at this school in this class room, where his daughter was. The man went and sat at a desk. A tear streamed down his face when he remembered, this school caught on fire and everyone inside was killed, including his daughter. It was all just an illusion. It's also been 3 years since that incident. The school was since then abandoned. The man got up and dragged himself home. Tears streamed down his face as he thought that he didn't lose his daughter and she was still alive, but it was all a lie. He got home and waited for his wife to get home, but then he remembered she was also killed in the fire.

Author's Note

Help with better ending.

Reviews

[SFG]

What a sad story. I really liked the flow of it though. It goes from a completely normal scheduled life to a little bit twisted. As far as the ending I think you're not far off from it. Maybe try to find a less blunt way to say "it's also been 3 years since this incident"? Explain more about what happened with the fire. How it started or what caused it? Does the man go through rediscovering this memory everyday?

Great work! I hope some of my feedback is helpful.