Rosiness

I want to be better

a sweater during colder weather

comforting and necessary

I want to notice when I’m gone without checking for the hole

without searching for that sinking feeling that something isn’t right

that it can’t be right because i can’t find whats wrong

without my being filled with the view of myself

don’t ask me to look in the mirror

I’ll turn the other way

because anything is better than looking at this brokenness

that masquerades as human

rather watch the dog pee the fire hydrant

then see the shop windows marred by my depravity

rather watch anything then my insecurity

you say I’m just blind to reality

but I assure you I know beauty when

the color of the sun kisses the clouds

and the moonlight dancing on the snow

with the stars in all their constellations

to the song of the wind in hair

and the laughter

the jubilation that someone

anyone sees anything but me

when their hearts see the crying in the smiles

the misery in my plenty

the pain in knowing that so many are hurt more then I was

but the the ache in my bosom is to much to bare

so much it pours out into a telescope

so all the hurt of everyone is magnified

to distant to affect but close enough to feel its breath

to hear the dying words and lying tongues record them

the beauty’s in the fuzziness

when all the blood is rosiness on our tinted glasses

and for a moment its forgotten

the oozing scares inside and all the weakness still alive and well within the earth

and all the hurt we cannot cure can disappear

into the fog haze of silver clouded skies and laughs

and hiding places open up for all the flame in me

the clawing tears, and biting memories, the silent cries of those worse off than me

thats beauty

that in our midst some He keeps his promises

and all I have to do is find them

follow their wailing

but how when all I hear is the condemning of my failings