Xiamara

I've just started to dabble in writing and this was the first ...

Born in a different kind of Greece than you imagine, Xiamara was Lykos, her body more animal than human, the blood of wolf surged through her veins. She was the pack baby, treated as everyone's child, her body beyond beautiful to all Lykos around her whether she resided in Human or Lykos form. She grew adored, though she knew how to defend herself the others did not allow it; she was pampered.
At the age of eighteen ... she was captured. To the humans of ancient Greece, to those in the village her limp body was dragged to, she was filthy. As she came to be in the village her body was taken to the largest house within it's confines, to the house of the lord and his wife. Here she was to become slave, to become the one to pamper and coddle the lady of the house.
Throughout the many years Xiamara took beating after beating, the lady spiteful for she believed the girl's beauty was a distraction of her husband's and was what kept him from her bed during the night. None of which was true as Xiamara found the human's, male and female, to be frail and therefore unworthy of her attraction. The girl made attempts to ruin her looks. She would apply ash to her smooth skin to make shadows, she would tie her hair back to make her features appear pinched; still the lady would beat her.
Upon the day Xiamara turned 22 she was within the confines of the cage within the cellar. On this day she was to receive a lashing for having slashed into a maid that had ridiculed her the previous day. As she sat awaiting her punishment, her breathing calm as these so-called punishments had become nothing but a waste of time, she heard a chilling cackle from within the shadows.

Her attention drawn to the noise the female's eyes would rest upon a dark shape within the corner. Her nose wrinkling, eyes beginning to lighten, the female growled from deep within her throat as the smell of death and decay filled her nostrils.
"Come into the light, Deamn! I smell your stench!", the female would growl.
Another cackle would escape from the darkness as the shape came a large mass of darkness in the dull lighting.
"I come with an offer, Lykos; I come to offer you freedom from these worthless mundanes."
Her interest perked the female allowed the Daemn it's word. As she listened she came to the decision to go along with the plans of the Daemn.
Many hours later the servants came with their chains to retrieve Xiamara, but she was no longer within the cage, no longer within the room. As those same servants entered the upper lodgings of the master and mistress they came upon blood and gore, they stepped directly into a mess of guards.

You see, during those hours, Xiamara had allowed the essence of the Daemn, or demon, to merge with her Lykos. The Daemn, upon sensing the rage within her had reacted to it in a way that neither of them had expected. Going into a blind rage, killing all those who, in the female's mind, had wronged her; sadly the entire household was to die. They consumed them together, tearing flesh and bone from their bodies, swallowing them whole.
From that day forward, she was Jinx; from that day forward, she would never be the frail and pampered Lykos of her past. She was Daemn.

　

Author's Note

I'm new at this .. Don't hurt me ... lol

Reviews

[YokaiShinigami]

This is an interesting story, The idea is there, it's just it would be nicer if it was more show and less tell. overall, you have a good idea going, I would say, if time permits to flesh it out more. I feel sort of distant from the characters and couldn't care less for them. It's kind of like reading a news story, i understand what happened, I just don't quite care for any of the characters. Try to show more. Like how she was captured, how she lived with the wolf pack, how she was enslaved, her exploits there, also, maybe fill us in on the conversation between her and the daemn. I think you have a wonderful outline here, and it could turn itself into a great story, rather than just a chronology of events. Nevertheless, it was interesting. I hope that was helpful.

[Closedown]

"She was within the confines of the cage within the cellar" was a little awkwardly posed against the rest of the writing, but otherwise it was very very good.

[J.M]

Its kind of dark and gory, but I like it. Its very compelling, and I especially like the end.

[Cynthia]

I am not going to hurt anyone too!LOL.
It's a nice story!