Ch.1

Merlin was laughing. The young, raven haired boy grinned at the sight of Gaius, his old uncle, sopping wet. Gaius glared at his nephew, irritated and cold. His left eye was slightly droopy, yet intensified his olive green gaze.

          "Merlin! Stop laughing, you idiot. It is NOT funny." The old man snapped, staggering slightly over to his bed. Merlin stopped laughing and helped his uncle get the sodden robe off his shoulders.

          "I`m sorry, Gaius. I shouldn`t have laughed." The boy said. His bright, blue/green eyes reflected his sadness. Gaius smiled, looking at Merlin fondly. I can never stay angry at Merlin for long. The old man thought. He shook his head softly, turning away and walking over to a cabinet that contained some of his potions.

          As for Merlin, he sighed. The boy started for the door, headed for Prince Arthur`s rooms. He was late already, and Arthur was stricter than usual. Slightly afraid, the servant quickened his pace and soon had run all the way to his master`s chambers. However, Merlin found himself thinking yet again about the beautiful Lady Morgana. She was a traitor, a poisonous snake hiding in Camelot, waiting to strike.

          Yet, Merlin enjoyed being around her. Selfishly, he admitted to himself that he had quite accidentally fallen in love. Why? Then, with a jolt of fear, he shook himself out of daydreams. Knocking tentatively on the imposing oak door that lead to Arthur`s rooms, Merlin held his breath.

          "Merlin? If that`s you, then come in!" Arthur`s harsh voice barked from inside. Gulping, Merlin pushed open the door. As he stepped in, he saw with a lurch of fear that Arthur was standing RIGHT in front of him. And, the crown prince was glaring. Eyes wide, the raven-haired serving boy started shaking violently.

          "Why, Merlin, have you been late again?" Arthur asked irritably, pacing closer to his frightened servant.

          "I had to help Gaius!" Merlin said, fearfully. He was backing away slightly as Arthur advanced. The Prince`s short, blond hair gleamed in the sunlight that streamed through the windows.

          "You had to help Gaius every day since August?" The prince demanded pointedly. Merlin shook his head, his blue/green eyes regretful. What will Arthur do now? The serving boy thought.

          Anger showed in Arthur`s face. He pointed firmly behind him and closed his eyes. "IN!" He hissed through gritted teeth. Merlin obeyed immediately. As soon as Arthur opened his eyes, he turned and saw his manservant getting to work. Surveying the room, Arthur decided to turn and leave.

          After a long time, Merlin heard the door open again. Looking up, he saw none other than beautiful Lady Morgana. As soon as she saw him, she stopped. Realizing that he was gaping, Merlin closed his mouth and shamefacedly returned to his work. Morgana looked at her former friend curiously.

          Why had he been staring at her like that? Then the realization hit her: He likes me. More interested now, she moved closer.

          "Do you know where Arthur is?" She asked. Merlin looked her in the eyes, gulped, and answered.

          "No...He just left." He answered quietly. Then, hesitantly, he returned yet again to washing the cold flagstone floor. Morgana cocked her head slightly, wondering. Hmm...I`ll have to tell my dear sister, Morgause. She thought. Ever so carefully, Morgana tested Merlin.

          "Do you want help?" Her eyes gleamed slightly with amusement.

          "No thank you, my Lady." Merlin said coolly, stressing the last bit slightly. Little did he see the sneer curling the Lady`s face. She nodded silently and turned, slipping out the door. As she strode away, she felt triumphant. Merlin would be a fly in her web if she could only just reel him in carefully...

Author's Note

review! What did you think?

Reviews

[Will E. Makeit]

"Merlin was laughing" I'd change to "Merlin laughed. "grinned at the sight of Gaius" I'd change to "grinned at Gaius."
"his old uncle, sopping wet" WHO is wet? him or his uncle? "It is NOT funny." The old man snapped" The period needs to be a comma, for the latter is an adverbial reaction, not a new sentence. "
"I`m sorry, Gaius. I shouldn`t have laughed."" He apoligized, so why repeat through dialogue that he laughed? Better if he just said "Sorry," or "I'm sorry."
" I shouldn`t have laughed." The boy said." Again, comma needed instead of a period.
"He was late already, and Arthur was stricter than usual. Slightly afraid, the servant quickened his pace and soon had run all the way to his master`s chambers. However, Merlin found himself thinking yet again about the beautiful Lady Morgana. She was a traitor, a poisonous snake hiding in Camelot, waiting to strike." more concise: "He was late, Arthur more strict than usual. Afraid, the servant quickened to his master's chambers. However, Merlin thought again of the beautiful Lady Morgana. She, a traitor; a poisonous snake hiding in Camelot, coiled in wait."
"Selfishly, he admitted to himself that he had quite accidentally fallen in love." try this: Despite, he had to admit his love for her.
""Merlin? If that`s you, then come in!" Arthur`s harsh voice barked from inside." : "Merlin," Arthur barked. "If that's you then come in!"
"Gulping, Merlin pushed open the door. As he stepped in, he saw with a lurch of fear that Arthur was standing RIGHT in front of him. And, the crown prince was glaring. Eyes wide, the raven-haired serving boy started shaking violently." Instead: "Merlin gulped. He pressed open the door and came face to face with a glaring and tortured Arthur. Out from the corner of his eye Merlin saw the trembling serving boy." Remember, don't shift the point of view character. The serving boy is a backdrop, not the reader's viewpoint character.

""Why, Merlin, have you been late again?" Arthur asked irritably, pacing closer to his frightened servant." : We know Merlin's name, so don't repeat it unnecessarily. Try this: "Why are you always late?" Arthur paced as would a wary panther.
""I had to help Gaius!" Merlin said, fearfully. : we know Merlin is the one responding, so omit the Merlin said. Especially the "fearfully" part. we'll get that from the feeling of the scene that he's afraid of Arthur's wrath. Better to put: I had to help Gaius!" and leave it at that.
"I had to help Gaius!" Merlin said, fearfully. He was backing away slightly as Arthur advanced. The Prince`s short, blond hair gleamed in the sunlight that streamed through the windows." better yet: Arthur advanced upon him, blond curls shimmering against the sunlight.
"You had to help Gaius every day since August?" The prince demanded pointedly." : again, you need a comma instead of a period to end the dialogue sentence. AND the prince demanded is enough to tell us he demanded it pointedly, so omit pointedly from this.
"Merlin shook his head, his blue/green eyes regretful. What will Arthur do now? The serving boy thought." : the problem here is the sudden shift of point of view from Merlin to the serving boy. Who are we seeing this scene from, Merlin or the serving boy??? Merlin, obviously. So omit the serving boy's thoughts as they are unnecessary. : Merlin shook his head.
"Anger showed in Arthur`s face." HOW does anger show in Arthur's face? Does it flush red-cheeked? Does his upper lip curl? Does he crinkle his nose? Anger doesn't just TELL, it SHOWS causing descriptive reaction. "Arthur's upper lip curled into the beginnings of a snarl."

[Roxi L]

I liked it. The imagry was great but you dont have to keep saying his blue/green eyes did this. Just say that Marlin's eyes were full of...
Roxi

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

Love it. Great job.

[Isadora Pierce]

This sounds pretty neat. A sort of fantasy twist, if you will. I like how young Merlin is, or seems to be.