OC 3. Mystical grooming....

Jerry is groomed at the Seminary going through a series of bizarre life experiences which at last gets him ready for life....

3.      Mystical grooming…..

( Life at the Seminary)

 

The initial days were a blur.  The boys were allotted two-seater rooms and then were herded into a massive hall where the bishop addressed the ‘shepherds-on-earth’.  The following week witnessed a series of sermons by several priests in turn, extolling the virtues and rewards of being the ‘chosen one’, as the naive faces haplessly gazed up at the podium awaiting an end to the tranquilizing drone. 

 

Not all were rueful about joining the seminary, since obviously all were not the proverbial offertory chicks.  There was George who had eulogized the men in white and left his parents in tears to follow his dream to become a priest,. He looked forward to actually bringing about revolutionary changes in the system, for the good of humanity.  There were Wilson, Joseph, Martin, Antony and some others who found the Seminary a heaven, after having left behind their poverty stricken background.  Just when they had resigned to a prolonged struggle to make it big in life, lady luck had come knocking at their doors.  Could they ask for more!  Some others who had not been too keen had been lured in with promises of a great life ahead and eagerly looked forward to it.  Yet, in those initial days, each one carried within, an ocean of conflicting emotions... and a question, as to how much of it could they actually disclose to the others.

 

Consolation came in the way of the ‘White Lily’ convent across the road, where young novitiates were housed just like them.  True to the name of the convent, the young novitiates clad in pure white habits moved about like white lilies within the convent premises and outside.  What made it all the more appealing was the fact that the young brothers and the novitiates attended classes at the college.    This gave them a chance to relate to someone outside the Seminary.  As a result sick absenteeism was almost nought, after the course began.  Days rolled by.   Visits by the parents were a special event, when the boys literally attacked them with narrations of their experiences at the Seminary.  Some were hit by home sickness and begged them to take them back.  Others feasted on the goodies brought in and played dispassionate.  Jerry was one such dispassionate one who proudly shared the delicious snacks brought in by his mother.  Many of his batch mates actually envied him for his rich background.  

 

“Philosophy, to put it simply, is a way of thinking.  Which means that all of us are philosophers.  Right Jerry?” 

“Hmm. I guess so.  I wish we could do with definitions as simple as this, ha ha” Jerry rummaged about in his bag. 

“Hmm.  Really.  Life would be so easy.  Hey Jerry, did you finish your assignment on that poem?”

“Yes.  Here it is.  Do let me know if any corrections.  Ok?”

“Aw c’mon.  That’s being too modest.  You write too well.  Ok.  Here’s the jokes book I mentioned the other day.”

“Oh thanks Tessy.  And thanks for your lecture notes.  How do u manage to get it all so well?  I go to sleep the moment he walks into the hall. hahahahah”

They sat together reading the jokes and laughing away. 

 

Wilson stood by the balustrade as he made for his floor.

“Hey dude, Fr Michael was looking for you.”

“Fr Michael?  But why him? He doesn’t take any classes for us.”

“Exactly.  You are in for some chastisement I guess.”

“Chastisement for what?  What wrong did I do?”  Jerry grew concerned.  Swiftly he ran through his activities in the recent past….

….classes " attended regularly

….studies " not bad. Have maintained above average grades

….any mischief done " just the usual.  Some mild scuffles and name calling his friends, some priests too, but that wasn’t serious crime (it was a known fact)

….any tell-tale letters " Nope.  He hardly wrote home and when he did it he kept the words to the minimum.  He wrote to none other.

…..any scandal? " None.  He had so far maintained a decent profile.  Actually the schedule at the Seminary was so packed that neither he nor anybody else got time to think or act outside of it.

Then why had he been summoned by Fr James?  He was in charge of students’ discipline.  The students rarely got to meet him in person.  Summons from him meant that the concerned person had faltered somewhere and seriously indeed.  He didn’t actually command much respect among the students.  There was talk about him and Sr Beatrice, Mother Superior of the White Lily Convent having some kind of an affair.  But that was hush hush, and well, rumours did take off like wild fire. 

 

After supper, he gently knocked at the door of Fr James.

“Good evening father”. 

“Come in my son.  Take a seat.  So how are your studies going on?”

All’s well.”  (….That’s not what you called me for.  Now come to the point!).  He was on edge.

“How’s everyone at home.  Do you miss them?”

“All are well.  No father” (…..C’mon, what’s the matter?  Get to the point!)

“It’s more than 3 months now.  I hope you are settled and comfortable here.”

“Yes father”  (….The point damn it!)

“Jerry, who do you study with?”

“With my friends of course.”  He looked askance at Fr James, and wondered what was coming.

“And who are your friends?”

Now this was getting too much.  Did he expect him to list out the names of all his friends?  He had many.

“Let me get to the point.  There’s been a complaint about you making amorous approaches toward a novitiate from the White Lily convent.  I hope you know who I am referring to.”

Shocked he rose to his feet, his cheeks flaming red.  “That’s a false accusation.  And who made the complaint?  I did nothing of that sort.  Of course, we do spend some time exchanging notes and discussing the lectures.  But that’s all!”

“Sit down my boy.  Take a deep breath and relax.  Is it Tessy?”

“She wouldn’t ever say that. We are just study mates.”  He failed to recognize the feelings that crossed his mind…helplessness?...indignation?....anger?

“It wasn’t she.  Sr Beatrice said that she’d been observing the two of you for some time now and advised me to warn you.”

“But this is unfair!  Ask Tessy.  We respect each other.”

“Ok then.  I trust you.  But take care.  In case you are called by her, you may explain just as you did to me.  Right?”  That benign smile, so well plastered on his face, Ugh!

He felt bad for Tessy.  She hailed from a poor family, so innocent and studious.   She had been lured to the convent with assurances of making it big in life.  Gosh, how he hated Beatrice!

…………………

 

“I don’t want to go back!  Let me stay home with your all please......!”  Jerry was in tears. 

He’d come home for a week’s vacation.  His home sweet home.  His once upon-a-time pious room now belonged to Albert, who let Jerry use it during his stay there.  Ridiculously indeed (and he knew it), he couldn’t help the feeling of annoyance that crept through at the sea change his room had undergone.  It had lost all semblance to the bleak one he’d vacated just about 4 months ago.  Gone were the smirking saints and the daunting rosaries that once graced the wall.  Lying in bed, he gaped at the figures playing football and the movie stars enticingly gazing down at him.  His mother as usual worked hard to give him the best food.  Susan was home, expecting her second baby, and looked as alluring as always.  Mary was to get married soon and spent hours on her mobile phone, while the other siblings teased her.  Jessy was in her 10^th grade and had to put up with the chidings of her elder siblings to study hard for the board exams.  Robin and family were in Dubai.  There was so much of chirping and laughter around.  The warmth here was so palpable.....something pulled hard at his heart strings!  He wished to be a part of this happy home.  The week had passed as if in a dream. 

Anna hugged her son and cajoled him to think rationally, but he would have none of it.  He retreated to his once-upon-a-time room and sobbed inconsolably. 

It was Susan’s turn.  “Jerry, you are now grown up.  It’s a shame to behave like this.  What will others say?.”

“I don’t care.  And I don’t want to go back.  That’s it.  I want to be home with all of you.”  He begged her, his eyes red and clung to her.  “Sis, please help me.  Don’t please let me go away!”

“Why won’t you care?  Is it for this that you were groomed all along?  Enough of this nonsense.  Now pack up!”  Jacob bellowed, losing his cool.

“Brother, take it easy.  Leave the room all of you.  Let me have a word with him.”  Aunt Rosy intervened.  She led them all out and shutting the door behind her, turned to him.

“What’s the matter dear?  Why are you so disturbed?  Tell me.”

“There’s nothing to say.  I just don’t want to go back.  Please aunt, please….”  He hugged her as if seeking the last straw.  “Please please, let me stay here with all of you....”

“Hush son.  All will be fine.  Calm down”.  She patted him gently.

He buried deep into her bosom and sobbed uncontrollably.  It was like a matter of life and death for him.  “Please God help me!” 

He grew frantic, his hugs growing tight..... Strangely indeed, new feelings began to stir within, which in fact confused him.  He clung hard to aunt Rose, even as his sob racking body suddenly shuddered and he ejaculated, much to his chagrin.  Breaking the embrace Rosy stared shocked, at the wet patch on his pants and viscid fluid on her sari.  Baffled, Jerry stood there, forgetting his worries and anxieties.  He really didn’t know what had happened to him just then.....

Hastily regaining composure, she patted him on the shoulder and looked squarely into his face.  “It’s ok son.  Go, wash up and change.  And forget what happened now.  I’ll wait outside for you.”

He watched her leave.  Rest of the events followed mechanically.  He came out with his shoulder bag and walked toward the car.  The family heaved a sigh of relief as Jacob along with Jerry drove out through the gates. 

-----------------

“Ok Jerry, how long has it been going on?”

Jerome stood before Sr Beatrice in the convent parlour.  Just as Fr James had predicted, he’d been summoned the following Sunday after the evening mass. 

“Be frank, what’s this between you and Tessy?” Sr Beatrice clarified herself.

“Nothing Mother.  We only meet to share class notes and to discuss.”

“Didn’t you ever feel an attraction for her…its quiet normal at your age?  Hmm?”

Jerry was nonplussed.  What was she arriving at?  “No mother.  Nothing at all.”

“Don’t you feel that special attraction for any other woman?”

He paused for a fraction of a second, recalling his feelings for his mother, his sister and other women, including Tessy.  But he hadn’t made any advances with a bad intention.   The recent incident with aunt Rosy was merely an accident.  But Sr Beatrice seemed bent upon making up a case against him.  Hence he maintained his stand. 

“No Mother.”

“That’s a lie.  I want the truth.”She adjusted her frock, her breast mounds becoming more prominent. 

He noticed for the first time, that Sr Beatrice now in her middle age, had maintained her figure, and even looked attractive.  He sensed a familiar stir in his loins.  OMG! What was happening?  He couldn’t help break into cold sweat then…

“Do you feel attracted towards me....now?”  She was seductively walking towards him. 

He stood there dumbfounded.

…………………..

His visits to the convent became more frequent.  It was assumed even without his declaration or corroboration that Sr Beatrice was a distant aunt.  The façade worked well.  Gradually it grew into an addiction for him.  Pastoral studies went on well and so did his frolics with Beatrice.  No further complaints were ever registered against him.  Beatrice seemed to have a stronghold in the place.  Life became a cake walk and he didn’t realize how 4 years had slipped past, and it was time for Beatrice to move on to another convent.  He was heartbroken, but she had solution for even that.  She gave him some names that were ‘available’.

“Just be discreet.”  She cautioned him

His ‘play’ continued unhindered as he went through his mystical grooming.  Gone were his guilt feelings.  He understood that sex was as essential for humans and all living beings, as was air, water and food.   Even the strictly celibate priests in the campus, who swore by the cross, jerked in the dark confines of the room and maintained a saintly façade.  Jerry became popular in the convent and was much sought after.  His confidence overflowing, there was an instance when he forcefully molested one as she refused to oblige him, like she did the others.

Sabbatical studies continued as he gradually lost attachment with home and his family.  His visits to his parental home diminished gradually and he found pleasure in coming back to his academic ‘home’.

 

He felt complete now.  Having all his needs met, life was indeed wonderful!  It was all to do with meeting his carnal desires and of maintaining his image in the society.  He learnt in depth about family and about its functions.  He also learnt about the institution of marriage, married life and how to conduct premarital counselling for eligible couples.  He learnt to hear confessions and to offer penance to absolve them off their sins.  He learnt many more things which put him on a platform where the laity came seeking his guidance and help.  What he failed to realize was that all of it was entirely theoretical.  He even learnt about intimacy, but failed to develop intimate feelings for anyone.  

 

He became aware of his potential powers to make or break a lay person.  And it became his duty to keep the laity bound to religious rituals, to keep them tied to the shackles of blind unquestioning faith. 

 

* * * * * * * * * * *