Surfer girl

This story is about a girl who wants to be a surfer like all her friends and so she enters a contest called surfer girl.

  

       To all Lisa Franks friends she had the perfect life. She had perfect friends, perfect “looks”, and a Malibu beach house. Sounds like everyone’s dream. Lisa was pretty cool she had brown hair, purple contacts, and a pink bikini imported from Paris. One thing about Lisa was not like all her friends though, she barely could surf. All her friends were pros at surfing and every year participated in “Surfer Girl”. “Surfer Girl” was an annual contest to see who the best surfer in Malibu is. Her goal this summer was to participate in that contest with her friends. If she won she would get to star in her favorite T.V show Riding Waves.

        “Wake up Lisa” Mrs. Frank said “Today’s your first surf lesson. Are you excited?”

         “Maybe, ok yes, totally. All of my friends know how to surf. I can sorta' surf but to keep up my rep’ I need to become like a pro.” Lisa replied as she started to put on her new pink bikini. “Okay I’m ready mom.”

        “Hold your horses chickety'. Your lesson doesn’t start till’ 10(am) and it’s only 9(am). Plus we haven’t eaten breakfast. I’m making crepes filled with strawberries.”

        “Oooo my favorite.”

        When they finished eating Lisa grabbed her surfboard and ran to Surf pro where she would be taking her lessons. Her surf instructor was a 16 year old boy who had coiled brown hair and muscles.

        Her instructor’s name was Shawn. First Shawn asked her if she knew how to surf the wave. She told him yes then said, “I ‘m not very good though.” “Show me what you got.” He replied. She did pretty well considering the fact she fell 5 times then hurt her wrist by smacking it against her surfboard. After practice he told her, “Same time tomorrow.” Then he left.

        After he left she headed for the beach. At the beach Lisa met a girl her same age, her name was Lily. Together they manufactured a sand town they called Silly Nilly. They called it this because after awhile they both realized manufacturing sand castles was for 5 year olds. Then Lily had to leave ‘cause it was getting dark.

        The next day at surf lesson they went over the 360 spin at first it looked really complicated then she realized it was just like ballet, just with a surfboard underneath you. The day after that she learned how to do tricks such as jumps, spins, and carves. After what seemed like forever it was finally Thursday. Thursday she learned how to ride on peak of the wave instead of inside the wave. Friday was the day before the Surfer Girl contest. That day Lisa and Shawn reviewed all that she had learned. Finally she was good enough to win “Surfer Girl”.

        On Saturday she got up early so that she could practice for the competition. Then she went inside to eat a healthy breakfast of baked oatmeal with vanilla yogurt on top. Finally it was time for the competition.

        At the competition she had to sign in, and then she got a number. The number told the judges when you would compete and who you were. Lisa was #7 and there were 12 girls competing including her.

        When it was her turn she did the simple moves she had learned during the week such as jumps, spins, carves, etc.  Once everybody had gone the judges went away to deliberate. When the judges came back they gave an envelope to the announcer, in that envelope the winners name was printed on a piece of paper.  “The winner is…” Then it got so quiet you could only hear the waves. “Lisa Frank!” Lisa was so excited that she jumped up and down yelling so loud you couldn’t even hear yourself think.

        Since Lisa won the contest she got a surfboard, medal, certificate, and just like they said she got to star in Riding Waves. Now Lisa can surf just like all her friends and she lived happily ever after.

 

Author's Note

What do you think of it plz ignore any mis spelled words im only 12

Reviews

[Willow]

oh cool! im turning 15 this november (2009) when did u start writing anyways? Your very good and i agree with ~shadow kissed~ you DEFFINATLY show loads of promise, who knows, maybe you'll be a writer when your older?

[~Shadow Kissed~]

Very good, you deffinatly have promise :) Keep writing :)

[Hannah Monttkomepy]

I enjoyed it for the most part there were just 1 or 2 things. The first one is try to make it flow more and slow down everything. It just seems like everything happened to fast and it just didn't connect I guess is how you'd explain it. The other thing is if you slow everything down and make it seem longer then you don't have to add all the details at first and let the reader gradually learn all the details you add throughout the story. I have the same problem and my English teacher gave me advice similar to this. Very nice work though! And I hope this helps.