Why human has come?

A reasonable poem

You may know my name

You may know my fame

But you don’t know why I came

In your own times

Have you thought of

The things that are full of shame?

You know why human beings do these things

Only for sake of fame?

I’ll answer you,my friend

They don’t know what they should know

They may not know why they came

If they did know,they would try

To show the most worthy of themselves

In this tragedic lawful game called “life”

They waste time they  waste life they waste themselves

Because they do not know for what reason thay have come?

Human has come to take the best out of himself

Not just to satisfy the material wild part of himself

I promise to myself I’ll be the best version of myself

The version of me which is Human

Isolated from animal nature.

Reviews

[JayG]

• You may know my name
You may know my fame
But you don’t know why I came

Here, it’s obvious that the last line is inserted because you needed a rhyme. Not only is it an incomplete sentence, so far as our knowing there this person arrived, but we never do learn that.

• In your own times
Have you thought of
The things that are full of shame?

I give up. What is a “thing full of shame?” You have intent for the line's meaning, but you give the reader not a hint of what that is. Is it a thing, like a headman’s axe? A deed, like being unkind? There are hundreds of possibilities. But what are the odds that the reader will, without a hint, choose the one you’re focused on? As a not so minor point, if you’re thinking of history, or current events, of course the reader has thought on it. So why ask a rhetorical question? Always, always, always, edit from the chair of a reader, who knows not the smallest things about what’s going on in your mind, unless you make them know it.

• You know why human beings do these things
Only for sake of fame?

First, you’ve broken the pattern you set, of two declaration lines, then a rhyme.

Next, if you’re going to repeat a pattern, you need white-space breaks to delineate stanzas.

And finally, You’re saying that a man who betrays his wife—a shameful act—does it for fame? That people do shameful things because they want others to admire them? Naaa. You're thinking of notoriety, not fame.

What you did was let your need for a rhyme direct the flow of the poem, without thinking about how the reader would perceive the line—which brings us back to: always edit from the chair of a reader.

But...that aside, rhyming is an accent, not the purpose of poetry. It enhances, it doesn’t shout. The rhyming word must be the perfect one for the thought being expressed, and the rhyme seem almost incidental. Force the line to provide the rhyme and it becomes obvious, as it does here, where, when you ran out of words that rhyme with the ending syllable you’ve chosen, you droped rhyming, completely.

• Because they do not know for what reason thay have come?

An unknown "they" don't know “what reason they have come?” Someone arrives somewhere unknown and doesn’t know why? Seriously? You, of course, have an intent for the meaning of the ststement, but you never give that to the reader. And we cannot say, “But you know what I mean,” because the reader can’t.

Here’s the deal, and it has nothing to do with your talent or how well you write. The thing is, poetry has been under refinement for centuries. But…did a single teacher mention the word prosody, which is at the very heart of poetry? Did any teacher discuss the structure of a rhyming poem—or for that matter, that of any form?

Of even more importance, did they mention that they teach only nonfiction writing skills, because that’s what your future employers need you to know? I'm betting that the answer is no. See the problem? We need more than what our school days gave us.

So…some suggestions:

1. Jump over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. What he has to say about the basics of prosody will have you saying, “How did I not see that, myself?

2. Visit the Shmoop site. Sign in as a Student. Then, look next to the midpage search window and use the button at the left side to select Poetry. They have lots of great poems on the site, both to enjoy, and, to see an in-depth analysis of why and how they made it that way. The site is a good resource for lots of subjects.

3. If you can find it, look for Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. Lots of people swear by it. And if you can’t, check the library’s poetry writing section. Lots to read there, too.

The thing is, the more you know, the easier the job gets, and the more options you have. And, learning about something you want to do may be work, but it’s certainly not hard-labor. And, it's filled with, "So THAT'S how they do it.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/