Screams of Abuse

This is a short story about a girl who is abused in a basement. Fear, despair and pain build up creating hopelessness and suffering for the poor girl.

"No please!" She cried, her back pressed up against the furthest wall. "Please don't. Don't! I'll scream if you come any close. I will, I really will!" 

He smirked in amusement but his pace did not falter. His foot reached the bottom of the staircase sending her into a wave of fear and despair, so she screamed and screamed. As the man continued to approach her voice broke and her legs collapsed from underneath her. She watched through her tears as his looming figure came closer and closer. He stopped right in front of her, so close that she felt overwhelmed by the stench of sweat and alcohol.

She felt a hand grab a hold of her arm and she tensed, fiercely pulling her limbs in tightly up against her breasts. He let her withdraw her arm for a moment, then suddenly yanked her up onto her feet so she cried out in surprise. Her legs were not strong enough to stand on their own, his powerful grip held up most of her weight. In desperation she struck out at him, hitting chest and clawing at any exposed skin she could reach. It didn't take long for her to see how pointless her efforts were, and after a painful squeeze to her wrist she gasped and gave up.

Still holding her up with one arm, he lifted her chin and looked her in the eye, enjoying the power he had over her while she squirmed and tried to look away. Then he sighed disappointingly.

"What was the rule about screaming?" He asked.

It took her a little while before she could muster the courage to meet his eyes. Tears streaming down her face she searched for any sign of hesitation, sorrow, or even regret, but she found none of these. The pleading look she gave begged for it to stop, but it was no use. 
Becoming annoyed he shook her violently, then repeated the question.

"Answer me when I am speaking to you!" He yelled. 

He let go of her chin, suddenly shoving two greasy fingers into her mouth and grabbed her tongue between his thumb and forefinger. He pulled it until she screamed, the intense pain spurred a new flood of tears. 

"I have just about had it with you. Answer me, before i hurt you! You don't want me to hurt you, do you? Speak!"  He warned, letting go of her tongue.

Licking his lips he watched with pleasure as she gratefully withdrew her tongue. Then to prove his point he lifted his hand as a threat of what was to come.

Feeling a wave of panic come over her she started gasping for breath. She was out of time, she tried to come up with an excuse for screaming but her voice betrayed her. She tried to speak, but no matter how hard she tried she could not make a sound. She reached out and tugged at the muscular forearm holding her up, but she was too weak. Her mouth whispered the movements, but no sound left her lips.

Then he slapped her, hard! It took a moment to overcome the shock, which was suddenly replaced with a searing pain that overwhelmed all her senses. Her dark hair fell into her eyes, her sight became distant and all the sounds faded away, but she didn't notice any of this. The pain was the only thing she was aware of; everything else ceased to exist. 

He let go, her limp body falling in a heap on the floor.

Author's Note

Ignore spelling mistakes and such.
Constructive feedback on my writing style, things that i should and shouldn't do !
Thanks.

Reviews

[Fictionborn]

The dominant presence of fear in the girl her current condition is portrayed clearly. Though I don't fully understand the outline of the story here. First, the girl desperately tries to assure her abuser that she will scream. On itself clear, but she says that screaming, which makes it confusing to me. Does the man want her to scream yes or no? You might want to clearify this some more.

I also noticed the sentence construction is at points a little awkward. But, you do manage to convey the emotions of the girl very well. A haunting tale. Well done.

[Nik]

Thanks a lot, i appreciate. This surprised me, i though it would be clear to understand =)
Basically she is screaming because she is afraid, maybe she is trying to get someone to hear her. But she has been told as a 'rule' that this isn't allowed, whether or not she remembers that. Basically she is screaming even though she has been told not to (by her abuser/captor).
Which parts were awkward, could u come with some examples pls ! =)

[Fictionborn]

In the very sentence it states: "I will scream. I will, I really will!" This doesn't show she isn't allowed to scream, which is why I was confused. As for the awkward parts:

"It was all she could do to keep watching through her tears as his looming figure came closer and closer." This sentence doesn't sound right, you might want to change the choice of words. I believe you are trying to say here that the girl doesn't want to look at her abuser and crashes down to the ground in order to avoid his gaze.

"Her legs were not strong enough to stand on their own, most of her weight hung on her arm." You can better change this to: "Her legs were not strong enough to stand on their own, his iron grip was the only thing that kept her standing."

"He let go, her limp body falling into a heap on the floor." Should be "He let go, her limp body falling in a heap on the floor."

[Nik]

Thanks a lot, gives me a much better perspective of what a reader might have issues with, will go through it all, thanks =)

[Toni]

As much as I hate reading of abuse (But I write about it sometimes), I actually liked reading this.
Good write

[Nik]

Thanks =)
just realized i screwed some stuff up when i last edited it, should fix that.

[Toni]

You're welcome =] But overall, it was pretty well rounded