*The power of a break up*

The first installment of my heart.

My heart sank; I choked while trying to hold my tears back. The one person who was always there for me was no longer. My head felt like it was drowning, my world started to become duller, fading to darker shades of grey with each breath I took. I knew I’d have to come to terms with the fact that he had broken up with me not even less than one minute ago. But it felt like so much more than that. This feeling felt so foreign to me, not once in my life had I ever been dumped. Until today; that all changed.

 Yes I’ve had countless boyfriends but every time I was taken I wouldn’t be thinking about life without him. Although I know I should, because once that inevitable time comes, that we will one day end; I’ll be ready for it. It’s harsh but it’s the only way I know how to deal with the feelings of a break-up.

That was until I met him. I’m not ready to put his name on paper just yet as I am still getting over saying his name in my head let alone out loud.

Before I met him, my life was somewhat complete, I had plenty of friends that I shared countless precious memories with. I’d go home, do my school work, get good grades and go horse riding on Friday’s and write about love and other emotional stuff.

But nearly three months into the year I started to notice that I was lacking something. Something my friends can’t give, a space they can’t fill, all I knew was I needed something not just anyone can give. I needed a person who loved me and cared for me, would protect me from getting harmed and no matter what happens, would always be them and love me until we’re through.

That’s when one day my prayers were heard from above. The angels sent me one of their own.

Love found me out of nowhere; I wasn’t seeking out love so I could find it, that would mean I was trying too hard and love would start avoiding me. But this guy was unknown to me. I didn’t know a being such as him could ever exist. He’s the one reason I drag myself out of bed to go to school. He’s committed many sins before he met me, haven’t we all though, he’s different, even though he’s made so many mistakes he wants to turn his life around. His soul is so pure, I’ve never known anything other than the effortless feeling of a feather. That’s what his love is like to me. It is effortless, limitless and there is no sight of boundaries anywhere. That’s what he gave to me, from the moment we were together, that’s all he ever did.

That’s not to say we never fought, because then I would be telling a lie. We fought heaps of times, whether it be about a minor thing like him wagging or a major thing like him fighting someone. It wasn’t just about him when we fought either, there were many other fights we had that I’ve forgotten. I’m glad I forgot them though, who wants to remember their fights with the one they love?

Some days I’d get to school and he would have cuts all up his arms, so then the next day I’d turn up at school and I’d have cuts all up my arms. Then of course, we’d fight with each other.

What hurts me the most now is remembering all the times we’d call each other on a Friday night and have really sexual conversations. Now I can’t have any of that, I will miss laughing on the phone with him. Trying to get information out of him, then he’d just say “tell you what” and I’d get frustrated and I’d whine and carry on until he’d tell me, some of the times I’d never get to know what he was going to say. That made me get really mad and upset.

I’d always say that if he broke up with me, I’d do this and that, but I never really thought we’d actually break-up, I thought we’d last forever, I believed it. My faith in our love was what blinded me in the end, not being able to see what was coming next.

Maybe tonight that’s if I even make it home. I might call him and try and talk to him and ask him what’s wrong and why and how, all these questions I know will be left unanswered. He obviously broke up with me because I’ve done something wrong; we both know it was I, not him.

I just can’t believe that after everything we said to each other, like ‘forever and always’, he would actually end it all. I’d been with him for so long, I just couldn’t see my life any other way; I could never picture myself without him.

Author's Note

I wrote this, hoping I'd one day know what the fuck i was trying to tell the world.

Reviews

[SlipKnoT]

thx jordan, its based on my life, the events that happened when i was with tyson, and I described how I felt everyday in my diary, from day one.

[Jordan's Back]

This is f*****g awesome too, a bad a*s story!

[SlipKnoT]

thx Jenna luv ya ;P

[SuicidePact.]

Naaaaw this is sooo amazing

[SlipKnoT]

thx Rae :) :)

[Rae Elizabeth]

Amazing. I could feel every emotion you were trying to convay. Beautiful. :)