Just writing how I feel...

I know I sound sad or depressing but it's more because I've been feeling lost.

This life isn't easy and I've known that fact since I was young.. Too young.

I don't expect things to just be easy or handed to me but after the never ending fight, what makes people want to go on? 

What is that hope or will that pushes us to such extremities?

Is it Love? Or maybe a Belief system?

I am a very honest and a VERY emotional person. 

Those too things contradict each other on a daily basis, as you can expect.

I hate upsetting people but If I don't say what I want, when I want, then my feelings get all jumbled up in one big cluster-f**k..

So what do I do?

Which one will make life easier on me? Honesty or "follow the heart" as some may say..

I'm a frustrated and confused 18 year old with too much on her mind and no way to express it.

So do I choose honesty? Which isn't very easy or my heart? Which isn't the most reliable guide at my age.

Do a 50/50 combo like I am now? Just wander through life with the contradictory guidance of both? 

That hasn't gotten me too far yet..

Or I can just wing it.

I'll just go along with whichever flow catches me and I can hope for the best, hope for a chance to find myself and figure out my purpose in life....

Either way, I'm left a bit high and dry. No real answers, a young confused heart, and a head that has too many thoughts. What an award winning combination..