Hole in my chest..

Maybe I won't wake up tomorrow.. Let this pain win, just give up and give in to the darkness. 

Waking up to tears streaming down my face. The reasons why, escape me. This is my life now, a black, depthless, empty abyss of what I fear most.. Being alone.

Even though I have a boyfriend, I couldn't feel any less alienated from the world. It's like I'm in a glass cup, trapped. Only allowed to watch others as they walk past me and live their lives without a care in the world. Stuck in a time capsule, the world blurring as things move on without me even participating. 

I'm just another body to fill the seat next to someone on a bus. Or another person crossing the road. I feel isolated in this bubble, I can't call for help; no one is there to hear me call. I could be standing right next to my boyfriend on the street and still feel like he's out of my reach.

I get these weird urges to cry. Sometimes right after I'd been laughing. It sneaks up on me like a shadow, or fog in the dark of night. 

I have no control of myself anymore. I feel like crying all the time. I just want it to stop! 

The one thing that hurts the most, no matter whether you're dead, alive or in between. The world will keep going on without you..