Twelve Step

A bad day for a simple guy.

EXT. STREET - DAY

A nice house with a freshly cut lawn sits on one side of the street.  Across the street there is a house that looks abandoned with an unkept yard.  

A stupid looking MAN opens and exits the front door of this house and stands on the porch scratching his head.  He looks around for a moment then heads off toward the

SIDE OF THE HOUSE.

There are two ladders before him.  One is a solid aluminum extension ladder, while the other is much shorter and made of wood.

                   MAN
            Alright

He leans over and grabs the second highest rung on the wooden ladder.  It immediately breaks as he lifts up.

FRONT OF THE HOUSE

The man emerges from around the corner of the house with the aluminum ladder fully extended.  He clumsily places it against the roof, lights a cigarette and climbs up.  He begins to sweep the leaves off of the roof as TWO MEN appear walking down the street.

                  BIGGER MAN
           How’s it going there Twelve Step?

                  TWELVE STEP
           Oh, hey Horace, just up here sweeping my roof

The two men walk toward the house

                  HORACE
           I can see that.  So you got my money there Twelve Step?

                  TWELVE STEP
          Oh, man, you see...

                  HORACE

          Do you know what punctual means Twelve Step?

                  TWELVE STEP
          You know, my name is actually...

Horace knocks the ladder down to the ground and the two men walk away.  

                   HORACE
           Don’t forget to come see me when you got my money

LATER THAT DAY

Twelve step sits on the top of his roof facing away from the street.  A cloud of smoke surrounds him.  A YOUNG MAN walks by pushing a lawn mower.    

                   YOUNG MAN
            I’ll mow your lawn for twenty bucks

                    TWELVE STEP
            I’m broke

                    YOUNG MAN
            That’s what you said yesterday.  
            So, whatcha doing up there anyway?

                     TWELVE STEP
            Nothin’

Twelve step pauses for a moment then gets up to face the young man.

                      TWELVE STEP (CONT’D)
             Wait, can you put the ladder back up for me?

                      YOUNG MAN
              I don’t know man, I don’t want to hurt myself and have to sue you later

                      TWELVE STEP
              Okay, you’re probably right

                      YOUNG MAN
               Don’t you always leave your door unlocked when you’re home? 
               You know, the southern hospitality thing

                      TWELVE STEP
               Yeah

                      YOUNG MAN
               Well are you home right now?

                      TWELVE STEP
               Yeah

The young man then walks into the house.  Moments later he exits with a television.  He puts it on top of his lawn mower and pushes it away.

                      YOUNG MAN
               Thanks Twelve Step!

LATER THAT DAY

Twelve Step is once again sitting, facing away from the street with a cloud of smoke around him.  A plastic bag gently bounces across the street in the neighbor’s yard.  He gets up and walks to the front edge of the roof.  He looks straight down to the ground.  A ten year old GIRL SCOUT walks down the street, notices Twelve Step, then walks up to his house.  She then presents a box of cookies.

                     GIRL SCOUT
               Hello sir, would you like to buy some cookies?

Twelve Step briefly thinks about it.

                     TWELVE STEP
               How much?

                     GIRL SCOUT
               Four dollars a box

Twelve step pulls out his wallet and throws the money for five boxes down to the girl.

                     GIRL SCOUT
                Thank you sir.  I'll put you down on my list
                    
                     TWELVE STEP
                My name is...

As Twelve Step is speaking the Girl Scout looks down at the ladder then back up at Twelve Step.
She interrupts him. 

                     GIRL SCOUT
                Are you stuck up there or something?

                    TWELVE STEP
                Yeah, well, I came up here to sweep my roof and then...and then this huge eagle
                came down at me, so... I swung at him with my broom and I hit him hard, but
                I accidentally hit my ladder too, so...

                    GIRL SCOUT
               So where is the eagle now?
 
                    TWELVE STEP (EYES DARTING BACK AND FORTH)
               Um, he’s dead, yeah he’s dead

                    GIRL SCOUT
               Okay

                    TWELVE STEP
               Hey, can you help me get down?

EXT. BON FIRE - NIGHT

A few girl scouts are gathered around the fire with TWO COUNSELORS in front of them.

                    COUNSELOR #1
                Okay Fran, enough with the selling of the cookies and stuff

FRAN smirks and walks off.

                    COUNSELOR #1 (CONT’D)
                Other things can get you points as well, like the Merit badge or the Fire badge of
                Trying

One of the girl scouts hangs her head and looks over to a barely smoking pile of debris.

EXT. TWELVE STEP’S HOUSE - DAY

                    GIRL SCOUT (TO HERSELF)
                 Well I guess this counts as a Merit badge
                  
                    TWELVE STEP
                 Whatcha saying?

                    GIRL SCOUT
                 I’ll do it but, you gotta sign a piece of paper saying that I helped you

                    TWELVE STEP
                 Okay

The Girl Scout tries to lift the ladder but it is too heavy.

                     GIRL SCOUT
                 Do you have any rope?

                     TWELVE STEP
                 Nope

The Girl Scout looks around for a moment then sees a fishing pole on the front porch of Twelve Step’s house.

                     GIRL SCOUT
                 How heavy do you think that ladder is?
           
                     TWELVE STEP
                 Maybe thirty pounds

                     GIRL SCOUT
                 My daddy has caught fish bigger than that

                     TWELVE STEP
                 That’s cool

The Girl Scout walks onto the porch and grabs the fishing pole.  She ties the hook around the top rung of the ladder and releases the line walking backward.  Twelve Step scratches his head for a moment as the Girl Scout turns the pole around grabbing the tip. 

                     GIRL SCOUT
                  Reach down for this

Twelve Step reaches down and grabs the handle of the fishing pole and pulls it up locking back the line release.

                     TWELVE STEP
                  Wow, I would have never thought of that

He begins reeling up the slack and suddenly the pole jerks.

                     TWELVE STEP (CONT’D)
                  Woah, we got a big one here

The Girl Scout giggles and the ladder begins to lift up with variable ease.

                      TWELVE STEP (CONT’D)
                  Oh, yeah, look at ya now

Twelve Step then jerks back the rod as if a fish were hooked.  The ladder then smashes through a side window of the house.

LATER

Twelve Step reels the ladder in slowly as it nears the roof.  The Girl Scout holds onto the ladder to steady it.  CLINK, the ladder is in place.

                      TWELVE STEP
                   Yes!

Twelve Step then steps on the top rung of the ladder, slips and falls off.