I'm Lying To You

The casual hello, which really means I want you.  Just look at us, we're pathetic aren't we?

 

The tips of my fingers are tingling, just itching to touch you, wanting to run through your hair, but you're not here, not by my side.

 

Everything is tinged red with our passion, but it's all blurred for me,  I can't enjoy this. The tears stream freely.

 

My thoughts of you are rancid, pathetic even, just hapless little dreams that will never amount to anything.  I know this because I won't let then, I can't; can't ruin everything that's already been built and the progress that we've made.  The process of forgetting our feelings and each other... It's too hard, I can't do it; I desire us, so I won't stop my wild imaginations and fantasies, I refuse.  I can dream, even though I know that in this is forbidden love, but no one can stop me.

 

Please! Let our bodies intertwine and my fingers run through your hair.  Let meaningless things pass before our eyes and the meaningful become almost tangible.  Intense 'little could be's' flash across my minds eye, but I think I'll stay away today; temptation...

 

I'm pathetic, me and my thoughts, I know.

I'll be the one left with less than I had in the beginning of our little play.

I'm nothing meaningful to you, I know I haven't been for awhile, but I understand.

I ended 'us', the first time, why should you trust me now?

~~~~~

Our Confessions: I Know That He Lies To Me

 

"You said that you couldn't see us as more than friends."

"I was scared, I'm a scared person.  And I didn't see us as anything more then."

 

(Or was that just a little lie that I said to you to avoid the situation?  OR is it the truth, the most simple of truths that it couldn't be said in less words?  But I'm a living breathing paradox, you're not meant to understand me, I deceive.)

 

"I have to ask.  How do you feel about her?"

"My affectionate feelings toward her, or in regards to this situation?"

"Both."

"I love her with all of my heart and she means the world to me, but I think I'm hiding something from her now, but it's for all our good."

 "If you love her there shouldn't be a problem."

"My problem is that I don't want you hurt.  You mean a lot to me too."

 

(For our good?  You mean your good.  I think that I would be forgiven long before you (if she ever found out about this...),  I like to think that on some deeper level I mean a little bit more than you do.  I can be forgiven right?   Or am I just being the optimist? But that's something that will be tested another day.)

 

"What do you feel exactly?"

"I feel like this shouldn't be happening.  I feel like there's something there but nothing I can act on right now."

"Ah, I see.  Do you think that we should be together?"

"No, not right now.  Not with her in the middle of this, and she doesn't even know it..."

 

(What is if I had said yes?  Would everything be ruined and friendships broken and everyone forgiven?  Or would I be the one put to blame and hated for it, for being a backstabber?  It's ironic how this is the only things that has gone slightly right for me, even though I know that it's wrong?  So very damn wrong that its incomprehensible.)

 ~~~~~

 But there it is for you, my mischievous and unwholesome deed.  How little do you think of me now?

I'll say it for you, your disappointed, disappointed in me for letting this happen to myself again... I've been manipulated by him again.

 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar and spelling please. I currently don't have any form of windows one this computer so that I can spell check this.

Now, tell me, how confusing was this to you?

Reviews

[f**k you]

.....OH HOT DAMN SARAH. I. LOVE. YOU. This was....Really good!!! Those opening paragraphs, wow, I had no idea you could write so well with that sort of subject...Some sentences were very confusing but I think that just switching words around, or taking some out will do wonders. This was confusing, yes, but something made it so understandable (I know I'm not making sense) and intesity is just dripping from every word and I love it. Can you please like, continue with this or something? It feels unfinished...i dunno. Great work my friend.

[Dream Catcher]

I can relate so much to this its not even funny, Im pretty sure I know what your talking about, if I dont, I can see a big picture in it then about somehting Im thinking of...