Fairytales....

Not really a story as such, more of a rant...

Is it a case that all I really want is that fairytale happy ending or is it more likely (as I suspect) a case of me wanting what I cannot have?

Is it really wrong to not want to settle for “any old thing?”

Do I really have to want the same as everyone else?

Are guy really all the same? Do I really have to play this stupid petty game that ever other man and women seem to play? And just why do we have to play these damn games anyways?

What is wrong with wanting a relationship that isn’t based on sex ~ a very cold and unemotional act if ever there was one… why is it wrong to want to know the guy first, even as just a friend; before you are picking out the damn wedding dresses and naming your children!

I was not your communal-garden teenager (or child for that matter) was never interested in the same things as the girls around me, never fancied the same type of guys; and did not have the same pin-ups! I tried to be like them, tried to fake and fane interest; it never worked. Every single “experience” I have had, has been less than pleasurable. I never felt what I am told I should have felt, I never felt anywhere near it; in truth ~ it all left me cold.

When I became unable to “lie back and think of England,” I felt like my life was over. Who would look twice at me now? Who’d want me, who would take me on now? And I am seemingly correct… the dates have stopped, the interest too; it all leaves me feeling very blue! In all honesty, blue is not what I feel. Angry is more like it. I am mad as hell that guys can, and do get away with treating me (and any other woman) like that. Because my bits don’t work you seem to think that makes me less of a woman, I am of no use to you anymore ~ you heartless little s***s! What gives you the right to do that? Think with something other than your dicks and we might just end up treating you better!

And I guess this has been my problem all along, it is always the same; even single males who are friends seem to be the same ~ how did I become part of a game I never wanted to play? I long for what I see as a “real” relationship, where you are friends and get on; where it isn’t all about somewhere wet and warm to stick your dick… is it really that hard to find? Are guys really that incapable of that? It won’t drop off if you don’t use it you know!

So where does this leave me? Up s**t-creek without a paddle me thinks! I know I will get the same bull about it being no big deal, that someone will come round the corner when I least expect it ~ trouble is, he’ll be thinking with his dick again and this to me is like air is to you that say it’s no big deal; it isn’t ~ unless you aren’t getting any!!!

I want to just give up, but knowing I will neither enjoy it or be happy; I have dug myself into a deep whole. For the right guy, who gave me time and love; (not sex ~ LOVE. They are two VERY different things!) I know he would get the best thing to ever happen to him.

It sadly does matter, and it is an issue. For those of you that think it is not; I take my hat off to you. You clearly have all that you have ever wanted, or have done in the past…

And as my past has taught, I am a lone she-wolf in a very crazy; game fuelled life!

Reviews

[mikerich]

I feel as if I've just been told off for something that isn't my fault. I'm not sure whether this is you writing as yourself from your heart (that is, autobiographical piece), or something you feel and then fictionalised up, or a fictional profile of an angry person lashing out at the world in general (but at nothing specific enough to make it a story). I take it at face value, Nicky, as I have always believed it's the writing that counts, not the source as such, and so I'm not sure what to make of it.

[Nicky Sarti]

Sorry mike, I wants trying to rant at you ~ or any man really... kinda.
I guess in a way it is a bit of both, sort of me kinda trying to say what's been building up in the hope of... I am not actually sure what it's in the hope of doing; don't know what it will do for me or what I will (or will not) gain from it ~ just wanted to say it I guess.

[mikerich]

If it's any help, Nicky, your writing is very clear and to the point. And I'm sorry that this feeling is nestling within you. Is there anything I can do to help? :-)

[Nicky Sarti]

Thank you kindly, I appreciate the kindness.
I am sure, as the gentleman you are; it is more than enough help to me x

[Shannen Forrester]

Powerful rant there Nicky, I know you don't want to heat the usual "Not all guys are like that" and it is true but sadly most of them are, I got lucky give it time hopefully you will too. But anyway I enjoyed the way you wrote this even if it was just an emotional backlash and I hope the passion in your work extends to the rest of your life :)

[Nicky Sarti]

It does... And thanks a million!