Hard to Explain...

It is hard to explain, just what it feels like; to someone who doesn’t know me.

I am not your normal kinda woman, I was not your normal kinda kid; let alone teenager!

I wasn’t into make-up, the latest boy bands or girly things; I was a tom-boy through and through.

So when I explain that I have cancer and smile, it makes them question; not only me but also my sanity.

“Are you not shocked?” They ask, their eyes carefully looking me over.

“Does it not bother you?” They question, sure that I must be holding something back.

“You’ll be fine, just stay positive!” They offer, as if my smiling face is a cover for what I really feel.

Yet there is no shock, there is no worry or fear.

I have spent many a day worrying about this, maybe now I have just run out of worry?

For years I knew something was wrong, for years I kept telling them I was ill; and for years I worried that it would be bad... 

And I was right too! I knew this would come, I expected it; had planned for it. 

Truth is, I thought it would be far worse than it was! 

I have hope and a smile on my face, I am not going die; I am going to make it.

Cancer smansher, pah who care; I’ve got this fight licked ~ I’m gonna kick its butt...

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Nicki although this is on the surface an honest and spirited piece that tells the story I feel a sense of anger and despair within its well constructed narrative walls. It is normal to have mixed emotions under such circumstances because the fact is everyone expects you to carry on as they feel helpless to do anything about it. And you have not been given a choice. See you next week.

[Nicky Sarti]

Looking forward to it John x

[Lenny Banks]

Very deep and very honest. I think this is the kind of poem that can give inspiration to other people. Well Done and good luck my friend.

[Nicky Sarti]

Thanks hunny x

[KarinaT]

instinct is easy for doctors to ignore - good thing it's worked out and you have the mental fortitude to deal with it.

[Nicky Sarti]

Thanks hunny, I am trying my best x