GOODBYE

Heart broken

I may not be perfect , but I'm worth
It it's just a matter of time you will
Notice it that i can climb mountain's
Walking over obstacles I can beat you
If you're looking for competition, you couldn't beat me if you tried you know
Why i have faith and you is buried in an empty space your trying to convince me
That i have no place in life ha wondering if im safe really the fact is I'm not going to chase laughter of revenge in the look of an eye one touch everything dissolve
Only if you knew how much i can
Prove to you all the women is coming back
For you look around where no fool but
You had a key to reuse, but to let you
Know i got you you're going to be begging for forgiveness, which we all say we do
Knowing what happened to us is truth
Beat crazy in love_ HURT you was just
Another piece of material, that's my
Definition of cruel of your madness of obsessed and unhealthy is real your nowhere to be found but in jail
Goodbye...

Author's Note

Everyone i hope you like this poem

Reviews

[Nicole_the_poet]

Ok thank you for checking out my poem

[Great Aunt Astri]

I actually think the broken sentences enhance this poem. After all, she has a broken heart, and the jarring sentences seem to reflect this. It makes an unusual, but effective read. One thing, though. I think you should use punctuation throughout the poem,( you only have a few commas) or not at all. But I enjoyed reading it.

[Nicole_the_poet]

Ok thanks i will work on it

[Einstein Noodle]

the theme comes across real and kind of street wise your use of enjambment is hard to follow .. i agree with L. Hansen on the rhythm .. perhaps if you read it out loud to yourself it would help ... i like the honesty and the power given to your protagonist in the closing ... let "Goodbye" be goodbye ;)

[Nicole_the_poet]

Thanks ok😊 thanks for helping

[L.Hansen]

This is really good, although I would maybe break the sentences a bit differently to make the reading rythm a bit more natural. Right now some of your sentences are cut off at weird times, which makes reading it slightly forced and (for lack of a better word) hard.
But overall, good job, I like it