My Simple Suicide

Experimental poem for the contest 'Suicide'.

 

I

Don’t

Want

To

Die;

Don’t

Leave

Me

By

Myself,

I
Need

You

By
My

Side.

I ‘m

The

Only

One

Screaming

Out

Into

The

Darkness

As

My

Soul

Is

Breaking

Into

Little

Pieces…

Oh

Dear,

Oh

Dear,
The

Sharp
Blade

Is

So

Near

My
Fragile

Skin;

Oh no,

Oh no,

I’m

Cold

And
Dead.

Author's Note

I thought it would be interesting if I did the style that I did for this poem..I kind of think it represents how little people are feeling if they don't have anybody to lean onto for support. No, this isn't about me. The words just came to me when I saw the word 'suicide'.

Reviews

[Bob Davies]

Captivating, forceful, and progressive.
It's great to see a subject so often filled with endless waffle to be so well handled in short-form :)

[Saburo]

very interesting pieces nice job ^^

[.mate.feed.kill.repeat.]

I like the one- or two-word lines. They created an urgency and made it sound like the narrator was breathing in and out at high-speed and fighting to not pass out. This piece was very powerful. It had a bit of a hidden rhythm--hard to see because of the short lines, but they work together really well together. Nice word choice, as well. In their simplicity, they created an urgency. A really nicely done piece, overall.

[The Dark Passenger]

Oh my God. This poem really touched me. It's simplicity is overwhelmingly enchanting. I think people tend to over do it with dark poetry nowadays. Too many words tends to take away all the emotion. I didn't feel distracted with your piece. So beautiful. Well done.
As a person who has been there, I can also safely say that you captured the emotions very well. Although I obviously never ended up killing myself, there was a moment when I stood very close to the end of it all.
"I'm the only one screaming out into the darkness" - so true. It's such a lonely feeling- it just about drowns you.
"Oh dear, oh dear, the sharp blade is so near"- captured the urgency of it all.
Amazing! It took my breath away! :)

[Carol McCleskey]

its amazing how often suicide crosses our minds its an easy way out bu there is no way back i hate life i hate the people in it but i still live it day by day i dont wanta die i just wanta idk some how prove to myself that im still alive and im going to be ok

[Jane Doe]

Being bipolar I have suicidal thoughts often. This poem very simply and vividly illustrates how lonely it is when there is no one to lean on when you are feeling like this. Thanks for sharing.

[Belle Morte]

I have suicidal tendencies and I personally think that this peice is a stroke of brilliance. In those few words you have spoken volumes. Truly wonderful, I never thought I would say that about a suicide peice, but I am.

Execellent write. Keep up the great work dear.