Nervous Talk

 

I’m a stupid fool for
Not saying anything before,

Wishing that I wasn’t so

Insecure with myself, wanting to unlock

The hidden courage that

I have within myself.

I’ve only met you once,

Yet meeting you just made me want

 To know you even more,

Even after this time has been wasted not

Speaking a damn word to you

Because I was so worried about what

You would say if I say ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’.

But now all I can say is that I hope

That life will give you a good deal

In the deck of fate on the table,

Hoping that it’ll take you on a journey

Beyond this tiny world of ours,

Having our fates intertwined by that

Card that you take out of that deck of yours.

 

Author's Note

To: A guy I want to get to know before he leaves my high school (he's a senior this year).
____________________________________
Does this sound weird to you guys? It sounds kind of weird to me for some reason. But whatever. Xp And I suck at line breaking sometimes, so just bear with me. o.O"

Reviews

[Brenda Sue]

Very well written. Strong with emotion. I say "Go for it". Either way you will live another day and life will go on. Make the most of it.

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

Yet it made me want

To get to know you even more,

this is just bad wording, it leaves the read puzzled as to why the words are just cut off like that. was there another sentence you were thinking about putting in there? do it or a comma or even a --- to show it is connected but part of another thought! the rest is good and has merit. good read

[Christel Grady]

There are some ackward stanzas here, particularly, "But now all I can say is that I hope / That life will give you a good deal / In the deck of fate on the table," but I think the point is there.


I say...DO IT!!! It's only one boy (there will be many), and believe it or not, what you do in high school has little weight in your future. What's the worst thing that could happen? He could snub you?! In 20 years, he'll probably be fat & bald with 4 kids & an over-weight wife. Do it now while you're young! : )

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A missed moment. You found someone you liked and in human nature we tend to withdraw inside and then the moment is gone and we dwell upon it. You need to take the chance if you ever get it, even if nothing happens at least you'll know and not think what if? A great piece Nicole!

[Imperfection]

The flow is interrupted in some places, as in-

Insecure with myself, wanting to unlock

The hidden courage that

I have within myself.

But I wouldn't call it weird.
It sounds fine the way it is. I wouldn't change a thing here.

I understand how it feels like being in such a situation. Perhaps this is just a passing phase, maybe something more serious. But until life takes you into the future, you will never know.

Nice write.

[L.G. Knight]

A wonderful poem, yea some of the line breaks are off a little but other than that it is something everyone can relate to I think.... too many things get left unsaid and undone in life... nicely done!

~Frances~

[Annalisa]

Where you decide to break the lines is a little awkward, for example:

"Even after this time has been wasted not
Speaking a damn word to you"

...it would read better if you move not down to the line below, when you end a line you want it to e a natural rest, or at least not in the middle of a thought. But that being said I really liked this, not to mention can relate. I don't know how many times I've regretted not saying something to someone, not getting to know them just because I was shy or worried about what they would think... This was a lovely read, and it's something that is easily relatable... Good work... I think I am going to steel this for my favorites list...