At Your Side

Senryu

 

 

Whisper in my ear;

I'll be here for you even

When the light is gone.

Reviews

[Zackery Alan Daley]

People mistake Haiku for simplicity, when it actually takes as much thought as writing a sonnet or another syllable related poetic ensamble. I love this "little" poem. 5-7-5. Perfect Haiku, proper publication, and beauty being described in terms of sadness. "Simply" brilliant. Bravo, and way to win the contest.

[Bee]

Outstanding. No more beating around the bush with this one.

[Robert]

simple, and in its simplicity i sense wisdom and purity

[An owl on the moon]

Profoundly beautiful and tender... An uplifting write!

[ah]

this is very beautiful. i believe it is a "senryu" instead of a haiku though.

[Sparrow]

No fairweather friends here! Great piece expressing an even greater sentiment. Wonderful job and thank you so much for submitting it to my True Talent contest.

-Sparrow

[Susan S.]

Well done. I get the initial reaction of yearning; then I start to see the layers: when the light is gone has at least three interpretations (end of day, end of life, end of sight) all changing the meaning of the entire haiku.

Nicely done.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

haha i just happened to pass by this piece again - now it's a goshdurnreal haiku! glad i could play with syllables with you! :)
hugs

i really love this.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

odd-numbered haiku, hehehee. yes

but still freakin gorgeous. :)


ONE option, though would be to change "I will" to "I'll" - i dont feel like it detracts anything from the piece, but it does get rid of a syllable!!

i love this though. no matter what you do with it, i'm tossing it in my library :)

hugs

[Imperfection]

I love Haiku's and I think this is an excellent example.
Strong feelings behind your words.

Something surely can be done about the extra syllable.
How about - I'll be here for you.

?