Without You Here

Again, inspired by Without You Here by the Goo Goo Dolls

 

Withering into a hole,

I wonder what the hell's the matter with me,
Taking each thought to mind and thinking

How I could have made it better than for worse, wondering

Over and over again on how I made this happen.

Under the rock that I now live beneath,

The guilt is a heavy burden on my aching heart,

Knowing that I would never be able to get you back.

 

You made my nightmares into favorable dreams,

My dangerous

Oceans into calm waves, and my

Underworld into a blessing of a home.

But now I'm

 

Here all alone, the pain

Everlasting in my heart. I knew you weren't

Ready to leave your life just yet and neither was I. But

Even though you are gone, I'll still keep you in my thoughts

And memories forever,

Until I meet you at the gates of paradise.

Author's Note

The story behind this is about a girl that had just lost her boyfriend because somebody had just hit on the side of the road (it was probably obvious that it was about a loss,but still...), and she thinks that it was her fault for not stopping him from crossing (the driver didn't see him).

Reviews

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

This is lovely. Not within the contest rules, however. sent email. Nice work, though!

~True

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

This is a fantastic acrostic. Sad but still beautiful. Great work!!!

Heather

[Sarajane]

Wow this is beautiful. Love can be so painfull, especally when ripped away form us when neather one in the relationship wanted it so.
I really like that song also!!
Sj

powerful,every line dragged me in.

awww, one of those horrible moments where people blame themselves for the loss of others and you just feel yourself saying noooo it's not your faulttttttt! But again it is true, people will alwyas carry guilt after the passing of others, and then there's the almost optimisitc point at the end about meeting at the gates of paradise, so at least there's some mesage of hope at the end, frail though it is, well done :) xx

[Kara Hadley]

wow. the emotion behind this is very powerful.
i would watch out for the formatting. while, formatting can really add to a poem, some times it can cheapen it. i would be careful of that here.
that's my only concern about this poem.
good work.

[Janyce Helen Van Es]

I'm glad you wrote under the "Author's Note" because I was thinking it was about a relationship that went sour. I had past feelings flood my heart about a man I loved and pushed away, ending up with a scoundral of a guy in my life for 16 years-yesterday was our anniversary.
A death is even worse as there is no reconciliation to the relationship.
This is a great acrostic and the formatting is beautifully centered with an exquisit idea on the last word.
Yeah, the formatting is messing with my work also, with font size and style.

[Marie]

Nice acrostic.

[~crazy Beautiful~]

Your writing is very creative, I enjoy reading your style
Your work is intense and visual, the kind that begs to be heard.
I would love to hear this piece read.
I especially liked
"Here all alone, the pain
Everlasting in my heart"
Nice work
Thank you for entering my contest

[*~Poetic_Essence~*]

wow this is heart-felt poem..I love it..i love the format and the use of the first letter in each line..i've never heard the song but i think that is a great way to use something that has inspired you..i like to grab inspiration all sorts of things..but i felt bad for the girl..you use your words well to describe the situation..the girl is faced witha dilemma..she seems to blaim herself for his death..but it makes me wish that there was an alturnative result..anyways i enjoyed the read..
Well From One Word-Play Poet To The Next...Always Remember To Write With Your Heart!

s~Shanty~s