The Beginning

I promised him I wouldn't do this anymore. I promised him! Why do you do this to him? the voice in my head screamed at me. Over and over again! You can't seem to stop breaking his heart! You're just a vile, heartless b***h, and a s**t too! No one could ever love someone like you!

I wouldn't hurt him this time. This time, he didn't have to know. I repeated that inside my head over and over again. What he doesn't know can't hurt him. If he doesn't know, he won't feel the pain. He won't be disappointed in me. He won't feel scared or useless like the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that.

Steadying my shaking hand and taking a deep breath, I hesitantly picked up the blade and slowly traced the deep lines vertically down my wrist, gasping a sigh of relief as the pain flowed from me. I felt free. I felt alive. In control. It was amazing. I didn't have to care about anything ever again, because this just felt so good.

And with a smile, I put my blade down on my desk and giggled, overwhelmed with joy. I could get through this. I could endure the pain.

I could survive. And I would.

No one could stop me.