It was Monday, that weekend had gone by so fast. Chi's mom had just come to pick her up, and Sakura's parents were coming in an hour or so, as they were running some errands. So, Sakura and Crystal were sitting in Crystal's room on her bed, just talking. Sakura had spent every moment where nothing was happening thinking about Jordan. Every time they went on the computer, she checked to see if he was online. She didn't know what time he was coming back, but she knew she wanted to say something to him. The thing was, she seemed to be caring a little bit less every hour that went by when they were apart. She was confused even more now, and it drove her crazy.
"Sakura, Sakura? Are you listening to me?" Crystal waved her hand in front of Sakura's face.
"What? Sorry." Sakura blinked her eyes rapidly and focused on Crystal.
Crystal sighed. "I was saying, I've been feeling awkward lately."
"How come?" Sakura leaned in closer to Crystal.
"I'm not really sure..." Crystal looked like she couldn't find the words to explain her predicament, so Sakura didn't press. After a few minutes went by in silence, however, she decided to say what was on her mind. "Crystal, have you ever felt like..." How do I word this? Sakura thought.
"Like what?" Crystal pressed.
Sakura took a deep breath. "Ok. Like you know how I like Jordan right? And, like I have to keep...fighting for him, because Kristen has him or whatever. I have to wonder, if ...if I did get what I wanted, if I got him, would I still want him? Because like, don't you want what you can't have?”
Crystal thought about this for a long while, and took a deep breath before answering, “Not necessarily Sakura, it really depends on how much you…love him. If you really did love him, you would still want him.” She nodded her head for emphasis, and Sakura was pretty much convinced. I mean, why shouldn’t I still want him? And if I didn’t then that would mean that I never really wanted him in the first place. She thought to herself.
Just then, the doorbell rang. “That’s probably my parents.” Sakura said, and her guess was affirmed when her mom’s voice echoed through the halls. Sakura gathered her stuff and went downstairs, Crystal right behind her. “Thanks for everything.” She addressed Maria, and then hugged Crystal. “See you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.” She said with a gleam in her eye. Sakura tried to smile, although now her stomach churned with wonder at what Jordan could possibly want to tell her tomorrow morning. Sakura also worried that he would forget. There were 2 adults in the room right now, though, so she shook her head to clear it and smiled, waving goodbye as she entered the car.
* * *
That night, as Sakura pulled the sheets up to her chin, lying in her bed, she found it really hard to fall asleep. Every little memory from the weekend whizzed through her mind, then it went into rewind and the night of spring concert came rushing back. Then she’d shake her head to rid her mind of the thoughts, and turn over to fall asleep, and the second she closed her eyes, all she could see was the text message she had read on her cell.
Sakura was getting really frustrated now, so she flicked on her lamp and picked up the novel she was reading. She had read 2 chapters before she realized how much time had passed. Now her mind was stuck on what was going to happen next in the book, and she was so much finer with that.
The last thought Sakura had before drifting off to sleep, however, was ‘what is he going to say to me tomorrow?’…
* * *
Sakura was walking to school, and her heart was thumping super hard against her chest. She was sure that at any moment it would bounce right out of her body. She clutched her novel to her chest. That always helped; books meant so much to Sakura, she didn’t really understand it entirely. The feeling of the book against her chest was comforting, though.
Her breathing was heavy and quick as she stepped into the school. Her steps echoed loudly around the almost empty hall. Sakura had come 15 minutes early because she knew Jordan took a bus, and arrived at the school early than she did. She didn’t want to keep him waiting…if he even was waiting. Sakura bit her lip.
She went to my locker first, willing herself not to look down the hall, where she knew his locker was. The minute Sakura put down her books, and got her homeroom binder, she turned to make her way down the hall. Sakura was a bit surprised to see a tall, thin figure slumped against a locker. A locker that she was pretty sure was Jordan’s…
She decided to walk over there and check. If it wasn’t Jordan, she could just walk up the stairs that were a few feet from his locker, and go around the other way to the cafeteria or something. She knew Jordan was in the school by now, so if it wasn’t him, then he wasn’t waiting for her.
It was a bit hard for Sakura, though. Her breathing was still unsteady; she figured this was going to be a serious conversation so she was nervous. She could feel her hands shaking, so she clutched onto her novel more firmly. By the time she was a few feet away from the locker, she made out Jordan’s features and knew it was him. His long curly hair, tall slim figure, and the way he bounced on the balls of his feet while he waited. Sakura let out a small sigh of relief at the fact that he actually showed up.
When she was just a few steps in front of his locker, he turned at the sound of her shoes and waved. “Sakura, hey!” And he closed the gap in between them quickly. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. You?” O my gosh, my voice is so skipping with my heartbeats! Sakura thought to herself.
Jordan just smiled. “Same.” There was silence for a while. “So, there’s something I need to…talk to you about…” Jordan looked sort of confused. Sakura evened her breathing, and sat down. She figured it would be easier this way. Jordan sat next to her.
“Well, I’m glad you came earlier.” He started.
“Why?” Sakura asked him.
“Because, because, well, that’s what I need to talk to you about. You see…” Jordan couldn’t form a proper sentence. He was playing with his hands, and they were shaking a bit.
Sakura looked at him curiously. “Because well, because Kristen gets here later so…” He said awkwardly.
“Oh, so you could talk to me without her here. And because, she wouldn’t like you talking to me, would she?”
“No.” Jordan shook his head. He sighed. “Look, I know you…like me or whatever. But, I don’t like you, like that. I like Kristen. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t like you at all!” He rushed to explain, his hands darting in front of him, palms open facing Sakura.
“Okay.” Sakura said, and waited for him to continue.
“It’s just, you have to understand. I still want to be your friend and everything, but Kristen is…afraid that I’m going to leave her for you.” Jordan looked at Sakura, pleading her to understand.
“Wait, what?” Sakura’s head snapped up and she looked right at Jordan. “That doesn’t make any sense, why would she think that? I’m nothing special.”
“But you are!” Jordan almost shouted. “You’re very special, you put up with of my bullshit, and you still want to be my friend. Trust me, you’re special.”
“But, you wouldn’t leave her for me. You just said you don’t like me like that. Didn’t you tell her?”
“I did.” Jordan tried to explain. “She’s still worried, though. So, for my sake, can you please just…like, I don’t want to be rude…but…” Jordan couldn’t finish his sentence.
“You want me to not hang around you while she’s around.” Sakura whispered.
“Well, yea. Not because I don’t like you, I just don’t want things to get…messed up. You know?” Jordan looked at the ceiling for a minute and then back at Sakura.
Sakura nodded slowly. “Alright. I won’t talk to you when she’s around…” She paused for a minute. “That’s why you don’t talk to me in the halls, isn’t it? Because Kristen is always there, and she’ll get upset. You try to find me when she’s not around, but then she shows up and you just leave…” Sakura was thinking back to that day at her locker.
“Well, yea.” Jordan responded. When Sakura looked at him, she could see he was thinking back too, probably remembering the same day.
“Okay, but, we’ll still be friends right? You’ll still keep up the friendship too?”
“Yea!” Jordan leaned in closer to Sakura and looked right into her beautiful hazel eyes. “I promise, like I’ll talk to you on the computer and text message you. I admit, I hate talking on the phone, but like whatever. And I will teach you something on guitar, just on a day when Kristen isn’t around. After school, when it’s summer vacation, okay?”
Sakura looked into the deep blue eyes, twinkling in the dim lights from the ceiling. Always managing to shine and twinkle. How could she not believe them? “Okay, deal.” Sakura smiled. So did Jordan.
Just then the warning bell rang. “It’s 8:20am already?” Sakura looked shocked, so did Jordan.
“Well, I better get going then.” Jordan got up, and then held out his hand; palm up, to help Sakura get up. She took it, clutching her novel with her other hand, and got up too. Jordan didn’t let go, though, his fingers were tracing her knuckles. Why is he… She thought, and then remembered the little scabs that were still left on her right hand, the hand she had given him to help her up. “It’s better.” She said. Jordan nodded slowly, and then pulled her into a small hug. Sakura wrapped her right arm around him, still clutching her novel with her left, and Jordan wrapped both of his arms around her, resting his head on hers. They let go within a few seconds, smiling. “Catch you later.” Jordan waved as he walked down the hall to wait for Kristen. Sakura made her way to the cafeteria to hang out with her other friends. Feeling so happy that everything seemed to have worked out for the best.
That went really well, she thought, as, novel still in hand, she pushed her way through the cafeteria doors, to the table with her friends, and sat down next to them, a huge smile on her face. Eyes twinkling with laughter.
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