What would you say?

Just a small story I wrote for the practice of it.

It’d been spitting for almost an hour now. She hadn’t really noticed though. Her iPod was almost empty for battery as well, but again; she didn’t really notice. Chances were that her mother might be trying to call her, not that it’d make much of a difference to what she was going to do. The bridge was almost to hundred meters from the sea that crawled underneath it and into the small kink of the city port. Cars were driving by quickly as if they had no time in the world, but they didn’t know how much time they were wasting worrying about tomorrow. She’d done that for too long and it’d cost her something important to her. Another ache crawled up her chest and she put her hand over her heart. ‘It’s not fair, I tried not to… It’s not fair!’ her forehead hit the cold, wet bannister as tears started to collect at her eyes, pooling at the bottom of them, causing her vision to blur. It hurt; it hurt even more when he ignored her in the halls. She just wanted another chance! ‘I’ll listen to you talk, I’ll listen to you play, I don’t care… I miss you!’ The drizzle became rain and every drop on the back of her head felt like a bomb and boy did it make things worse. Kicking the metal violently, she gasped for air as her chest seized up.  Vision scarred and shaky, everything seemed pretty hopeless. ‘One call’ she whispered, pulling her phone out from her pocket. Hesitation held a tight grip around her wrist, her grip on her mobile slacking.

‘Miss, are you alright?’ someone stood behind her, sounding concerned but most likely in a hurry believing that they have too little time. ‘Tomorrow, take your time. Don’t rush yourself, because you have 86,400 seconds in each day, but you never use them all. Spend one day just smiling; if you do that then I’ll be alright.’ Whoever it was snorted, ‘whatever girl, don’t do something selfish.’ The footsteps indicated the person leaving and she turned to look at their back. ‘Is trying to make up for what I’ve done really that selfish?’ she said softly, before turning away, staring at the water. Her mobile started to sing a song from her favourite movie. She ignored it.

‘Not now…’ she hissed shoving it back into her pocket. ‘Don’t think about the future; don’t think about the past, just think about you and me now, and how long the fun’ll last.’ Her voice cracked a little and she wiped her eyes. Her phone started to sing again, and she took it out of her pocket lifting it high above her head as she was about to throw it into the sea. She stopped however and stared at the number calling her, she turned the screen around however and held it against her palm so she couldn’t talk to them; they’d be so very disappointed in her. She tapped nails against the steelwork; one, two, three… Four never came as she sat up and pulled her phone from her pocket. The rain quickly made the screen wet but she didn’t care; five missed calls, three from Mum, one from school and one from her roommate. Sighing she tapped the phonebook symbol and scrolled down the list of names, stopping when she reached L. The name of the person she was trying to call glared at her almost menacingly and she briefly shut her eyes to swallow a sob. She hated being hurt.

A shudder crawled down her back and she pulled a digit across the screen, the name lighting up green, call written in white letters. Putting the phone against her ear, she let out another sigh and listened to the dial tone. What was she going to say to him if he answered? Why would she even do this… she didn’t get time to think more as whoever she was calling answered the phone. ‘Hey, you okay? I mean after school toda-‘ he didn’t get to finish what he was saying as she straightened her back a little, ‘Shut up, forget about today, it never ever happened.’ There was a brief silence followed by an Ok, from the other end.

‘So why are you calling? You never call these days; hell… you don’t seem too keen to talk.’

She frowned at those words, ‘I try to talk to you but you’re not interested… you never were interested…’

‘Hey now! That’s not true and you know it!’

‘The hell it’s not, you don’t even know my favourite colour!’ Her voice broke and she bit her lip trying to stop her tears from falling, but it didn’t work. They cascaded down her face and she took a deep breath. On the other end of the line the person she was talking to was calling her name, but it didn’t feel real.

‘God damnit! Answer me! What’s going on? Where are you!?’

‘I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to yell at you.’ Her eyes were wrapped up in remorse. She was angry at herself for trusting him and even angrier for letting him trust her. She was miserable before she left her previous boyfriend to date the boy on the Phone. The boy who a month ago had left her because they had nothing to talk about, but he’d never truly tried to get to know her.

‘What’s going on with you? You’re hiding from everyone; I’ve been getting death threats from your friends because they think it’s my fault. It’s not is it?’

‘I…I’m standing on the bridge between the tunnel and town, I called you because… I wanted to say I love you, before I die.’

The silence coiled around her. It wasn’t unbearable, it was peaceful. No one was yelling at her, and she knew that even though it wasn’t voluntary on his part, he was paying attention to her. Just a little…

‘What?’

It was a simple word, never held much meaning. No… it was the way he’d said it that got her, and personally she felt her heart skip a beat. Because within that hardened carefree voice that made her heart flutter, was doubt and fear. ‘I’m… standing by the railing of the bridge between your home… and town; I’m using my last moments alive to tell you that I love you.’ Her voice was wavering, and she started to feel regret stabbing her repeatedly, but she was too far gone to stop now. ‘What, no! You can’t be serious… Just talk… I didn’t, you said you were fine at school today, you were smiling! What’s going on!?’ His voice was panicking, something had changed in it, but it was still the same pitch that made her calm and ready for anything. ‘It’s easier to hide behind a wall of tears than it is a smile… But this time, I hid behind a smile, because no one questions my smile when you’re around me.’ She didn’t understand the silence, because she was starting to pull things out of her pockets and putting them in her backpack that was resting against the bannisters. Pulling her coat off she heard him calling her name again, ‘-i!? F*****g answer me you b***h! Where are you!?’ The phone stood against her ear, and she picked up her things moving towards the middle of the bridge. ‘I’m leaving… I jus-‘ she stopped and watched the people ahead of her.

A little girl was sitting on her father’s shoulder. She was eating a lollipop. The phone went quiet, but so was she. ‘I missed your voice…’ she whispered suddenly, as almost ten minutes of silence passed. The happy child and parent walked past her and both smiled; her own wet hair was covering her vision however so it looked distorted and broken. ‘Where are you…?’ came the soft tone on the other end of the line, ‘The Bridge’ she whispered, still watching the family.  Her heart was thumping softly against her chest, it felt the same as always, but it changed… just a little. ‘The bridge, huh… Why there?’ out of site, the family could still be heard, and that had her attention until she snapped back to the reality she was escaping.

‘I remember the first time I joined you to town, I was going to kill myself that Friday, and I just wanted to disappear forever. No one would know it was suicide; I wouldn’t have left a note or anything… just disappeared. As we went over the bridge I realised this place would be perfect…’ Finishing her explanation of her thoughts so many months ago, she felt more tears form. He’d loved her then… unconditionally, he’d loved her and she’d been too afraid to let herself love him, until it was too late. ‘You are a true poet…’ she giggled. ‘I try… I try sometimes.’ A bus stopped on the land side of the bridge. Someone got off it and started to walk over the bridge. ‘Still on the bridge?’ She was silent. The middle of the bridge was about to hundred and fifty meters above the sea. Dropping her backpack on the floor, she laid her leather jacket over it making it appear like she’d been carrying it and not wearing it. Slowly, still holding her phone, she began to hoist herself over the safety rail. Everything had been removed from her body, the phone stripped of everything except a simcard. The memory stick had songs on it that her brother would want. Sitting there she took a small breath and put a foot down on the slippery metal still keeping a grip on the safety rail. ‘I’m… sorry.’ Her voice broke and her tears took control as she started to loosen her grip behind her.

She thought it’d be over with. The rushing feeling of the wind would take her and she’d pass out, but it never came. Instead a thought was fed into her mind, a desperate one that made her see everything she’d ever done wrong. ‘I don’t want to die…’ she whispered as she started to fall forward towards the freezing cold water. Her creamy brown long sleeved t-shirt clinging to her body, to the cuts on her right wrist. The ink on her hand from today’s lesson still as vivid as it was four hours before. ‘I don’t want to die…’ The boy she’d spoken to. His voice was calming her again. His perfect… pitch voice.

‘Got you!’

Her eyes snapped open as a cruel pain vividly scotched her arm. Opening her eyes she looked up at the crystallised eyes, behind a pair of simple blackish brown glasses. He didn’t have time to put in his lenses. ‘Grab my arm; I don’t have a great grip.’ She stared at him and then at his arm that was between the bannisters. Swinging her arm around, she grabbed onto his arm, her eyes keeping complete contact with his. ‘I don’t want… to die…’ she whispered, holding onto his arm tightly trying to manoeuvre her way to a comfortable place. People had stopped in their cars and were rushing over to help him. She could hear it, hear them all talking, but again… it felt unreal, like it wasn’t quite true. ‘We’ll get you up… Don’t worry you two!’ She remained silent, and confused. It wasn’t real. Suddenly she was pulled up from the edge and it seemed… okay. Her hair was clinging to her face, which was white from the fear and the cold. He hadn’t let go of her hand though, he was gripping it tightly as if it were the last thing on this planet. He looked her directly in the eye, and let out a breath. Leaning down he gentle kissed her hand, stroking it with the thumb while people were calling out for someone to call an ambulance.

‘I didn’t realise you were coming.’

‘I didn’t want you to.’

‘You could’ve convinced me on the phone.’

‘Actions speak louder than words.’

‘Not your words… Your words are perfect.’

‘Then tell me something…’

She looked up softly still holding onto his hand. ‘What?’

‘What would you say?’

Author's Note

Just your honest opinion :)