When time TICKS

Poetry, short-poem,inspirational-poetry

When time TICKS

By:Nicholas Dykstra

&

Yumna Karim

As time TICKS so does our lives,

There's a certain era for these cries.

Reminisce of the remaining story lies,

Relying the end to present a prize.

The solution of this has to thrive,

Its nothing simple but destructible lies.

Protect one another from the other,

obstacles twisting within another.

Created and caused trying to smother,

Making each wear certain attire.

As time ticks further
I realize,
That what a blessing it has been in disguise.

Though we move forward , Not knowing what's in store for us
In time we will recognize.

Horrors of the wars should be minimized,
All the world left with each to harmonize.

Stop looking at heaven and the skies
we have the solution, let us Improvise.

Thus it seems impossible now
We will see it work wonders, be mesmerized.




NicholasDykstra©2016

YumnaKarim©2016

Author's Note

Feedback is appreciated and thank you for your time. Thank you to Yumna Karim for collaborating on this piece of work.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this poem. The good flow of thoughts left something for the reader to think about.
"As time ticks further
I realize,
That what a blessing it has been in disguise. "
I agree with the above lines. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Nickdykstra]

Thank you for taking the time on this and the review its mean a lot.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

[Kay/Hayden]

A very meaningful poem. Great job for creating such a powerful message with simply just a keyboard and your hands. -Kay

[Kesha]

Hmmm another collab :O a great piece however, kind of nice seeing your old pieces of works :P

[Ted Kniffen]

Very good. The theme is important. Speaking out against injustice needs poems like this. The collaboration works fairly well, although the change in structure appears noticeable. The rhyming scheme is good and fairly consistent. To me, I don't think 'ticks' needs capitalization. The first lines need tense changes. i.e.
As time TICKS so does our lives,
should read
As time TICKS so do our lives,
These are minor things that do not affect the message or the great collaboration between you two. Good write

[Nickdykstra]

Thank you it means a lot I appreciate the time taken to read and review my work.

[SZHZIA]

A beautiful poem with rhythm which left a message as it is main feature of a poem.
Best
Szhzia

[Nickdykstra]

Thank you ! It means a lot to know this piece was a successful one I appreci You taking the time to read and review my work.👍

[SZHZIA]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome. :-)

[barleygirl]

This is a very original & rhythmic-sounding poem . . . could be like rap music in places. This feels like a message wandering from one idea to another, but in a good way, it all goes together in the end. I especially like these parts: "Horrors of the wars should be minimized" . . . and "we have the solution, let us Improvise" . . . Your message ends up feeling like an uninhibited dance thru inspirational & conversational ideas. I think we need much less war & strife . . . something that will require that we improvise becuz what we've been doing hasn't been working. This is a brilliant observation.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hey I think that too! Thank you for your insight here.. I'm glad you liked it ☺

[Nickdykstra]

I'm glad everyone enjoyed it thank you for taking the time to read and review it☃❄️🙏Happy hollidays

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jac..]

The second collaboration I have seen with Yumna and this one is great too. The voices are clearly different yet fuse together well. The rhyming flow is slick and tightly crafted, an impressive feat considering it's by two separate writers. I like the prevailing theme of time running out and how things need to change before it's too late. Thank you both for sharing this, it's excellent.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hey Jack, thank you so much! This was my second collaboration with Nick.. I'm glad you liked it ☺

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jack Peaslee)]

You're welcome! Both of the ones I have read I thought were great.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

So nice of you! ☺

[Tony Jordan]

Hey guy's... this has some really powerful lines.
It feels not like two separate poets - no, the flow is fine and the joins are fine (which is the best one can hope for at times when collaborating) - rather it feels like two separate poems!

I feel a 'natural' end at the line "In time we will recognize" and the start of a whole new poem thereafter.
Good collaborating!!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you Tony! Means alot ☺

[Tony Jordan]

Wow! A slight change in the layout has made this one whole - who knew?
You're welcome YumnaKay...

[Ashish]

Wow.. A poem with important message, perfectly rhythmic, flow of the poem was brilliant.

You two have done a brilliant work :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much! Means alot ☺

[YanZeros]

Incredible this sounds like a rap! Good job guys! :) keep writing more of these!

[Nickdykstra]

Thank you means a lot !thank you for your time reading and to Karim Yumna for the collaboration.

[YanZeros]

you're welcome! :)