The Forest

a poem i wrote a while back, not very good but its the only thing i could find at the moment.

The forest is still, within the blackness of night,

As the creatures of the darkness begin to stir,

He walks like the shadows,

Through the dark abyss of the forest.

 

As the creatures of the night begin to stir,

He walks on, through the agony of guilt,

Through the dark abyss of the forest,

He begins to realize what he has done.

 

He walks on through the agony of guilt,

While he leaves a trail of glistening crimson blood,

He begins to realize what he has done,

He feels regret and sorrow for what he has done.

 

While he leaves a trail of glistening crimson blood,

He sees the images, as if burned into the back of his skull,

He feels regret and sorrow for what he has done,

The mother and daughter who’s life’s have just been taken.

 

He sees the images, as if burned into the back of his skull,

He looks towards the sky, its beginning to glow brighter,

The mother and daughter who’s life’s have just been taken,

And he knows what he must do to end the unforgiving pain.

 

He looks toward the sky, its beginning to glow brighter,

He try’s to think of an excuse for what he did, but only the truth shows,

And he knows what he must do to end the unforgiving pain,

He must turn, do the selfless thing, and hope,

Hope…

Author's Note

just tell me what you think please

Reviews

[Theresa]

I like how this poem tells a story. It is dark, but the end kind of tells you when there is nothing left there is always hope. I liked the second verse:
"As the creatures of the night begin to stir,
He walks on, through the agony of guilt,
Through the dark abyss of the forest,
He begins to realize what he has done."
Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.

[insanity]

I think you're being a bit hard on yourself Deus. I find the repetition to be suited for what you're going for here, it kind of engraves what's happening into your mind. It really brings forth the gravity of the situation and the feelings the man is going through having done what he's done. I do like that at the end things seem to lighten up from the darkness present at the beginning, it really shows the progression of thought through the poem and that even at the very end of this, despite all he's done there is still hope for him yet. Well done, now find the rest of your stuff so we can read it :D

[Starr]

I like this... it is kinda in the form of a pantoum with the line repetitions. Very engaging read, good detail, overall good write poet.