Microstory 247: Perspective Twenty-Two

This is an experimental Perspectives microstory. The introduction can be found in Microstory 225. More to follow.

My husband is about to be fired. He’s been incompetently ignoring his responsibilities in an attempt to protect his friends’ interests. He’s been justifying these actions though a series of incoherent babblings. They finally figured him out. He’s not a bad person, just bad at his job. Serves him right. I’m leaving him. If you think that’s bad, you haven’t heard what he’s done at home. He’s wrecked two cars completely, and he’s been involved in any number of other incidents. Sometimes I think he’s come home from a hit and run and never tells anyone about it. There was one time when we lived up north that he slid on the ice and ran over a stop sign. No, not into it, over it. Then he just drove on someone’s lawn until ending up on the intersecting street where he kept going as if nothing had happened. My God, what if he hits a child? What if he has hit a child? He can’t cook worth a damn. You should see what the kitchen looks like after he tries to slap together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I’ll tell ya that much. He’s late for literally everything. He can’t remember anything I tell him, but he becomes so immersed in novel series and television franchises that he’s basically an anthropological historian of fiction. I don’t know why I married him in the first place. It’s not like we were dumb kids who thought we had everything figured out. And we certainly weren’t pushed to it by influential parents, or something. We were pretty old at the time, and we thought we were making the right decision. He probably still thinks so, but I’m done. He’s so nice to me, and treats me well, unlike his friend from work who is clearly a rapist and must be dealt with accordingly. I’ve always thought that I would rather be with someone dumb and nice than smart and mean, but this is just too much. I settled, thinking I was too old for something better. But ya know what? Forty is the new thirty, right? I mean, age is different than it used to be. People are living longer, and scientists are working on longevity, age regression, and even immortality. So that’s what’s happening, my life is starting right now. Chapter Two.