Microstory 237: Perspective Twelve

This is an experimental Perspectives microstory. The introduction can be found in Microstory 225. More to follow.

I was extremely protective of my best friend as we were growing up. It was only when we were a little older that I realized I had romantic feelings for her. Our neck of the woods was actually pretty progressive, so I probably would have been okay coming out, but it wasn’t really anything people talked about. I kept my feelings to myself, but we both knew the truth; she possibly before I did. Our relationship was waning even before she moved out to the fancy schmancy west coast, and I always blamed myself. Subconsciously, I think I would act to sabotage all her relationships with men so that I could have her all to myself, and she ended up resenting me for it. We gradually grew apart and stopped talking to each other. She went far out of state to attend college, and just never came back. Fortunately, they invented that powerful social media site back in oh-four, and we were able to reconnect. We had both grown up by then and our thoughts and perspectives as little baby children babies seemed silly. But then something strange happened. On that social media site, I saw that she changed her status to “in a relationship”. And it was with a woman. I felt slighted. I felt angry. All those times she patiently rejected my weak advances were just because of me, not my genitals. Suddenly all those times I thought like she was talking behind my back, or when she’d blow me off for her boyfriend, became incredibly insulting. It was a pattern of behavior that I let go because of my unrequited love for her. We continued to “not talk about it” during our online conversations, but the hints she dropped about needing to “find herself” eventually mitigated my concerns. My therapist tells me that I need to encourage the side of me that has moved on from her. I’ve dated plenty of women since then, and just amicably ended a long-term relationship. I resolve to follow her advice, but then my friend messages me to say she has to fly back home to deal with her sick father. And she wants to have lunch. Great. What is this gonna do to my self-esteem?