Microstory 65: Gravity Transfunctioners

This is a microstory. You'll have to read it to find out what it's about.

I’ve received a lot of messages over the years, desperately asking me how ships are able to fly. There has been some confusion as to how a vessel could be capable of lifting itself from surfaces without any obvious means of propulsion. People tend to expect to see some kind of jet stream, or arcing electricity, or even explosions. Ships are also relatively quiet, which seems to be pretty unsettling to those who do not understand it. They’re used to loud shuttles being forced into the sky, with pieces falling off as fuel is expended. I’ve been looking through the specifications, manuals, and textbooks that I have attained from various intergalactic organizations in order to help me tell my so-called “fictional” stories. They’re pretty long-winded and overly complex about the science behind antigravity and spaceflight. But then I came across this cute little blurb that a rocket surgeon came up with to explain to his young daughter why he no longer had a job. The following explanation of gravity transfunctioners is several thousand years old: When unobtanium is injected into the turboencabulator, it reverses the polarity of the phlebotinum core which creates a quantum tunnel through which the sonic hand can wave the gravitons in the same direction that the user wants an object to move.