Devil's Lair

It was a boring weekend, nothing to do but to write...

How the dust is blown away into hell
by his mighty arms,he captures you in a cell,
A man screamed repeatedly "what have i done so awful that i am in this cell!
God has left me behind,and sent me into this blind world"

He,then started to remember it all,
He wanted to become a rock-star,
did all the things that an average man can do,
he wanted more from life,
but he just couldn't follow through...

He cried as the images came into his head
reminded himself that he invoked the powerful one from the underworld,
he wished for fame and glory,
but all that was a very short story.

The demon only gave him pain and sadness,
leaving him into a complete darkness,
"I gave you fame and glory,now it's your time to give me your story,
dance with me into this last waltz of your life,
then i shall take you into a room where there is no light,
where you can only see your history with no delight".

As he remembered all this,
he felled into Lucifer's plan,
only if he could be hit by madness,
but the demon will never let that happen
"you will remember it all, feel it all, and suffer it all
that was our pact....
an infinity time for you to live behind this big wall"

Author's Note

Yes I know the Image is Iron Maiden's artwork :D (I haven't thought on any better image than this)

I guess we all need to find that stairway that leads to our heaven
"Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind. "

Reviews

[Relic]

The good news:

It has been said the great Blues man Robert Johnson made a deal with the devil at the crossroads. I think you have illustrated that idea here nicely. The devil as we know will always deceive in his barter with those who have taken to his help. Fame and glory bear a heavy price to those eager for its riches and seeking the devil for help can only bring unhappiness and things unexpected. The Zeppelin video is so appropriate for this poem and you are right in your author's note, we all need to find that stairway that leads to heaven.

The slightly bad news:

This is just an opinion and it doesn't mean I'm right.

The beginning lines are slightly obscure and confusing until you get to the second stanza. There are odd sentences that crash into each other:
He cried as the images came into his head
reminded himself that he invoked the powerful one from the underworld,
he wished for fame and glory,

A couple of rhymes are slightly forced and the sentence:
only if he could be hit by madness, is like hitting a brick wall upon first read. Overall though, it is a good poem with a cool story to it. Nice writing. :)

[Nick.B]

Thank you for taking the time reading and reviewing the poem, I really appreciate it, and yeah the story of Robert Johnson is pretty sad, taken away at 27...anyway thanks again

[Relic]

You're welcome Nick, keep up the good work. :)

[Maria M]

I absolutely love this poem! With your cunning words and rhythm i can picture in my mind what you are conveying in this poem, that every pleasure in life [especially the life of sin] comes with a price! A beautiful read! Well done and keep them coming! :)

[Nick.B]

Thanks for taking the time to read and to review the poem, really appreciate it :)

[Guavaguy]

Very interesting.
I have to say I like this, because it talks about how people tend to lose sight of their dreams because they can't get motivated enough, they don't realize how important it is to follow through as you say. And it also talks about how "there is no easy route", the easiest way is only a faustian deal with tends to backfire.

[Nick.B]

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your review, I appreciate it

[Anna]

I like this a lot, I love the story it tells.
"dance with me into this last waltz of your life,
then i shall take you into a room where there is no light, "
-I absolutely love these two lines, you have a great half rhyme going on and it gives great imagery and over all flows together great!
Things i would maybe look at editing would be the double use of the word "cell" at the end of the first and last sentence, and the "see your history as a big fail" seems to take away from the brilliance of the previous two lines.
Love it. and Love the art work too:) m/

[Nick.B]

Thank you that you took your time to read this and for your review, I'll work on those lines at the end. Thanks again :), really appreciate

[Anna]

Really appreciate good writing :)