Above the Tide But Beneath the Waves

Alive but not quite so

Tears like giants fell and left me trembling,

beneath my cloak of unfairness that cut

deeper with every measured breath I could

make with out screaming or choking amid.

That's not lost love, but love walking away

with dreams that will never be, never were;

myths and fairytales dissolve like peppermint

along with the taste of promise and worth.

I have given, that I know...but what for?

To be left with nothing, aired and emptied

no lock held, only vault doors yawning as

night slips upon the aged, once and final.

With mechanical precision you sever bonds;

always loyal to the steel behind your eyes

drawing the sparks of my past affections,

branding my soul with the mark of failure.

You ceaselessly dig at me like the ocean

where even above your grasp the wind...

...will make sure I am never again, the same.  

Reviews

[Vikrantsingh]

Great thought my friend Astro. Very beautifully narrated and I loved the 2nd Stanza...

That's not lost love, but love walking away
with dreams that will never be, never were;
myths and fairytales dissolve like peppermint
along with the taste of promise and worth.

This was really amazing and that last line " ...will make sure I am never again, the same. "
Simply amazing and you just left me speaking to my self WOW!
Thanks for the invite my friend ;)
Stay blessed :)
- Singh :)

[Astro]

I feel very proud that you considered this one to be such a strong read. Thank you very much Singh. I hope you are well.

[Stevo The POE-t]

Astro man this is a really great piece of work. Great piece of wording. For the most part I have found love to be a myth, a fairytale. I honestly believed that love was make believe. You can dream and dream and dream some more that your true love will find you one day but it seems that day never comes. When your without the one you love it feels like your nothing but an empty shell. Once again man I love this piece... Really great work

[Astro]

Thanks Stevo, your comments make me think about how mathematicians discovered black holes. Some thought they didn't exist, but the math(reality) said it was possible and a fact. Even though they couldn't see them, they knew by the movements of the universe that they were there. Thank you for the really nice review. Peace.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

This is striking a read Astro -...I like the second stanza...stands out in the whole read and reflects the rest as a reader goes into the lines of this one...and the way you end this seems like the tide and the waves like your title:

You ceaselessly dig at me like the ocean
where even above your grasp the wind...

...will make sure I am never again, the same.

[Astro]

Ya it was definitely a good combination of form and content. I am really happy how it turned out and how it has been received. Thanks for the review Glen.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

U R WELCOME...ASTRO...GOOD TO READ YOU...

[KeelyJane]

Wow. Heavy. There is so much emotion behind this. I loved "vault doors yawning". Awesome line. Great poem my friend. Excellent actually.

[Astro]

Thank you very much KJ, I'm glad that you loved it even if it is a bit on the heavy.

[Cody Williams]

This is an amazing read. From the writing to the story itself! Thanks for sharing it!

-CW

[Astro]

Thanks a lot Cody, I'm so glad it has seemed to go over well even if it is filled with heavy emotion. Thank you very much.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

excellent wording...and wow ..i have felt this...that walking away...being left shocked, devastated...lost in an ocean of doubt and regret..not knowing what happened...

feeling used and drained and never ever again, the same.

[Astro]

Thank you Jacob you definitely understood from what it sounds like. It is a horrible thing to experience for anyone.

[ShayneDeWitt]

This is absolutely great!!

[Astro]

Well thank you for saying so Shayne and thank you for reading.

[ShayneDeWitt]

No problem! It was a pleasure!!

[Frieda P]

Holy cats, this one is deep and cuts like a knife Astro. I felt every word of this in the pit of my stomach and it tore at my heartstrings.

no lock held, only vault doors yawning as
night slips upon the aged, once and final.

Vault doors yawning, incredible feeling/imagery in that statement alone. Outstanding my friend.

[Astro]

Thank you Frieda, this means a lot to get such great reviews from you and some others on this piece.

[Frieda P]

Some pieces just reach inside and yank your guts out, you did that quite nicely I might add....

[Astro]

Well hopefully I also replaced it with something nice. lol I know what you mean, I was well aware of the impact that this one might make but I also knew that it was worth sharing nonetheless. Thanks again for the review and comments, this sad poem has indirectly made me smile.

[Frieda P]

That's always a good thing, reminds me that quote....

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ― C.S. Lewis

[Astro]

I like that. ;)

[Frieda P]

I thought you might ;-)

[Jack...]

Wow, my friend. Hopefully this is just imagination talking and not real life. This is tormenting, it fractures whatever prior thoughts I had on this day. Carving tears from solid stone. Ripping tissue paper hearts to shreds. This reached deep inside of me and squeezed until I too felt this pain. Extremely deep my friend and overflowing with sadness.

[Astro]

Sorry to cloud your day Jack, but you like many will know that when it calls you must answer and I think I communicated perfectly the feeling I had wished to convey here. Thanks for the thoughtful review.

[Dr. Wood ?]

wonderful stuff my friend....You print emotion so well

[Astro]

I felt that this one was quite strong, if not depressing. That is why I chose to share it. Thanks for reading and reviewing Doc.