Tease Mawray - Alcohol

Things I hear, things I don't

Story:

A terrifying moment in an alcoholic’s life is when the problem they have shared with us in minute detail for so many years as excuses for over indulging, simply vanish.

These things happen. Usually at the most inopportune times, like when you really need the next drink and everyone who usually buys you one to shut you up, knows you no longer have that problem; your ‘breadwinner’ has flown. Someone dies, you find money, your spouse finally leaves you, etc., nothing you can do about it, because sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t.

Haven’t you ever heard “time heals all”? Well, where the hell do you think that came from? Many people I’ve met during my early escapades had spent the majority of their adult lives drinking, and as such have ‘created’ or ‘invented’ their own personalities; replete with the many nuances drinking adds to their particular aura.

Kind of like a movie script, the more times it’s told, the more the story changes; usually for the better. A product of your environment; surely a bar is an environment?

A ‘trait’ if you will, is the sub-conscience polishing one’s particular ‘story’. Many of today’s finest actors are the ones sitting bar stools in a downtown pub. A few easy reasons for over indulging may be spousal hostility or a particularly naive friend who you stay with anyway because without his or her naïveté you would have nothing to talk about, nor an excuse to order another.

Better yet, how about that wonderful job? You know the one. The one you go to in the morning after leaving your balls on the dresser. The one with the boss you should be talking to. Instead your banging the bartender’s ears that your drink is watered down; when in fact, it's just another lie. We both know it’s watered down because the ice melted while you were running your mouth to a complete stranger about why you drink too much, and because you’ve been stalling, holding out the ending of your sad tale, waiting for your ‘mark’ to buy you another drink to hear the ending.

I’ve heard a hundred people say they will never leave their mate, the object of their addiction. Most often, and according to them, it is that mate who needs their help and that is why they aren’t leaving!

Also according to them, this is the reason for drinking in excess. I don’t know how many times I have heard “it’s a tough situation I find myself in, and if I don’t have a couple of drinks to relax, it will get the best of me.”

If one day they decide to leave their mate (the supposed problem) they would have no excuse or personal problem to convey to the rest of us when drinking as the reason for the drinking.

Usually in that case, we later find out it is the ‘mate’ who is tired of their ‘act’ and leaves them; only to be admonished as the one who broke up their relationship, and therefore is usually summarily chastised for it.

Many times, the ‘mate’ is never believed and is usually viewed by his or her peers as a liar or manipulator. When in fact, the strong will and fortitude of the ‘mate’ (the one left at home with the kids) never reaches the bar fly’s ear when a reenactment of the drinker’s view finds the stage.

The saga is being told to the bar listeners; many of which listen wholeheartedly because it keeps the ‘lime light’ off of them for a brief moment while usually providing a free drink. They are thankful listeners, because until they get intoxicated, and it’s their turn; you know, when their ‘problem’ gets to be reenacted like so many times before.

The listeners are glad they don’t have to tell their sad tale because they don’t remember who was in attendance the last time they stretched the truth and passed the blame to a fictitious, naive friend or a nagging spouse who sits at home feeding the kids. No, if they tell the tale too many times in the same bar, they know it’s possible to get tripped up in the facts. And when the jigs up, it’s time to move on. Don’t return unless you have a new tale of misery.

Besides, just like the sun rising in the morning; when one problem vanishes, another, more sinister emerges to take its place on the lips of the alcoholic whose mouth is like cotton.

We find out from the silver-tongued devil that he was hiding a particularly nasty tale of woe from us; he was protecting his drinking buddies from sadness. You know, as a favor to those who listen to his s**t for free drinks.

When a drinker senses his ‘tales of woe’ are growing week on his listening audience, it doesn’t take a drinker long to conjure another, more startling ‘vision’. To manufacture a lie the others will believe in seconds is an art. A masterful tale of woe to rival the aforementioned lie. A web of bullshit spun so tightly that any ‘listeners’ sitting at the bar and hearing those golden words, will cheer in unison because the ‘vision’ is so brilliant it fortifies and articulates all drinkers’ psyche and defensive postures when confronted with not just yours, but everyone else’s drinking problems!

As if dew drops from an early morning blossom; you’re canting falls on the ears of dreamers and drunkards. You’ve had just the right amount of nectar and the bullshit rolling off your tongue adds credence to even the vilest excuse for drinking, ‘I can’t stop myself’. If I hear those words come out of someone’s mouth, I usually walk over and slap the s**t out of them until the whimpering stops! That’s if I can get to them before the rest of the bar pukes.

But you, yes you, come up with a new and refreshing excuse to hide behind; for yours is the twisted brilliance all ‘listeners’ are waiting for. This is why many people go to bars in the first place! To hear a total stranger, mimic their position of woe and therefore lend validity to their reason for drinking and getting drunk.

It’s a rare occasion in deed when you hear someone actually admit, they just like to drink. They like the boost it gives them and they actually are a******s; furthermore, they don’t give a s**t what you think!

It’s a no win for anybody but the drinker who is sipping that one drink that puts him or her over their quota. I have seen it too many times, the person with the problem, never realizes in time just how much their ‘mate’ loves them and how much that mate has gone through for them. They’re always the last to know. If children are involved, the teaching starts early, and most often the kids don’t have a chance. They learn so fast. Many who read this observation will hate it. They will turn away and smile to themselves thinking this story is not about them; when in fact it is.

Too often a very sad thing happens; that is when the ‘mate’ succumbs to the pressures, the arguments, the lambasting, and eventually gives up. They truly love the one person they are with, and feel depressed when thinking of leaving. They look at leaving as an abandonment; a view usually enforced by weak family members who for one reason or another have also pissed away their lives and browbeat their family members into thinking the same way they do, and never having the fortitude or backing of family members when they faced similar challenges, most often it’s the dearest friend or loving spouse who pays the dearest price for the ear of companionship.

A person who has drank for many years, and drank excessively, could not have done it without their friends. The ones covering work. The ones lying for you. The ones covering up the bruises with makeup.

Family members who believed the s**t the church preached about no divorce, or 'for better or worse' as if to imply marriage and relationships are crap shoots and living with a drunken piece of s**t is somehow worth your life and the lives of your children. It's too bad the churches are full of aging women and men who wasted their lives with the devil because society and their mothers and grandmothers said they should or they go to hell.

It's so funny when you think of it; they are in hell when they hear it for the first time. Don't fear going out into the jungle of life. Ask....there are many crutches to lean on out there. You must know the only help must come from within you and you are free to tarry on the bench, but not forever.

Others need you and your strength. Know this and never forget it...when you come to that clearing in your life where the grass is green, the warm breeze greets you, and the bright sun shines on your cheeks......do not piss into the wind!....If you do, think of it as a spring rain, and never....never....say anything to those who follow you!

There is better waiting for you. It is better to be penniless and alone while standing on a warm beach in California, than to have money, a house, and hugs and kisses the next morning from those who fear you! You know what I mean; you see it in their eyes following your piece of s**t act.

She or he prays for a glimpse of the one they fell in love with...but a person only has so much love...when it's gone, it's gone forever. You wake one morning with no life. Take the love with you and give it to the one you see alone on the beach collecting shells...you have it in you....be yourself.... don’t be the one on alcohol or drugs.... get rid of it.

Take it step by step, first pick up a shell, then smell the cool ocean breeze, listen to the gulls, feel the warm sun on you face, take a deep breath and remember, someone out there is looking for you; searching for your kindness, your thoughts, someone looking to share your dreams, someone like you who loves collecting shells, remember the good.