Little Beggar Dwarfs

Remembering a sober song

It was getting dark, and I had just entered the quaint cobblestoned main street of “Total Disregard”, a small town embedded in a cedar forest close enough to the coast, one could smell the crispness of the ocean, but not so close as to see or hear the waves. Down the cobbles towards the town square I ambled, and suddenly a raunchy odor burned my hairs! It was then I was reminded of the secrets of local lore, the “never-ye-speaks”!

So bad was the smell, I entered the town’s square, gasping! The lore says, “to see stinking beggar dwarfs is to go blind, loose a leg, and soil yourself on the spot!” And “once the curse is upon you, you can’t see them, can’t catch them, and can’t smell them because you stink rancid too!”

Even so, as a non-believer, chills went up me spine as I passed the first alley! I could barely hear the whispers and sneers coming from dark shadows behind filthy dumpsters and torn bags of garbage. I thought I saw movement, but wasn’t sure!

Being the cautious one, never the less I hurried my step! I could see my favorite dive just up ahead and Jimmy the pug puffing on a f*g while sitting on the stoop. As he turned to watch me running up the street he broke out in cheers, and as if a steeple race, he rooted me on!

Then it happened! Foolish me was paying attention to Jimmy instead of watching where I was going. I tripped onto the hard cobbles and hit me head! I almost passed out, when a hundred pairs of tiny, dirty, stinky hands grabbed me ankles and dragged me into the alley!

I was kicking and half unconscious when the raunchy stench of little beggar dwarfs overpowered me!

As the family of smelly toads went through me pockets taking everything, they took turns spitting on me! The stench was too much to endure, and finally when the faints overtook me, the nauseating stench of their filthy clothes sent me into convulsions!

I fought them off long enough to roll over and puke while they stripped my shoes and socks from me calloused feet. Two beefy ones grabbed my cuffs, jerked me trousers off, and ran off laughing and singing “hi-de-dum” to themselves as they fought over me clothes!

Seconds later as I fought for life, the little beggars yelled profanities at me as if I were the objectionable one! And just minutes before passing out I saw the ugly one picks up me hat, look me straight in the eye, and spit in me face before putting it on her head! I remember she started some weird jig as she and her clan kicked me like a sack of dirty laundry!

The lore kept running through me mind as they yelled and spit on me nakedness! They hadn’t blinded me yet, and I could still feel all my toes, but sadly, I was in such pain from the beating, I couldn’t tell if I had succumbed to the third whammy of the curse! The mugging was too much, I couldn’t take anymore and finally I passed out!

Seeing me fall, my dear friend Jimmy the pug came running to me aid. And after seeing I was half naked, wrapped me in some kind of sheet, picked me up, and half dragged me up to me dive!

I would have lain there all day and night before coming to had not my friend saved me!

Jimmy helped me to safety and the sweet smell of sawdust floors before lighting a f*g and placing it between me bruised lips, he grinned as he set a frothy pint in front of me, “soon” he said, the cool beer will sooth ye pain”.

I could hear Jimmy telling the boys of my harrowing experience. The lads took turns dowsing me in cold beer and rubbing my head for luck. I must have sat on that stool the better part of a day sucking up the free ‘sad story’ malt. And I don’t remember when I fell asleep. But when I woke, I was spread out on the pool table and me bar was closed.

As I lay on the cool stone table listening to my breathing, the only company I had was the painful bruises and thoughts of me ordeal. I paused to take a breath and could swear I heard whispers coming from below.

Slowly, quietly, I rolled to my side to look under the great table. When just as my eyes peered over the rail, a hundred small, dirty, stinky hands reached up out of the dark and grabbed me hair! I reared back but to no avail, I was kicking when they jerked me off the table and onto the floor! Fighting I was as I yelled at them, “I have no money, no shoes, and no jeans, please leave me alone!”

Their reply was spiting laughter! They took my new shirt and then began whipping me with me own belt!

It was a terrible thing this ugly beating I was taking! It’s no matter where I go the little beggar dwarfs follow me and have taken all I have! My shoes are gone, my clothes, my dignity, and I’ve no place to live. My humility is all the dirty, stinky, tiny hands have left me.

I clung to the sheet Jimmy gave me, and watched as the smelly beggars darted to and fro and finally ran off!

Seconds later, and as if in a dream, a voice broke the sad moment. “Now, now”, said the voice. “No need to get all worked up, try and calm yourself. You’re getting better, and the medication is helping, but don’t try to rush things! I know it’s hard to stop drinking but you can do it!”

Remember, some people experience strange and frightening things when they quit alcohol, visions and such, the faints, whispers, and something we call “the frantic frights”, but I am here with you. Just call your friend Jimmy if you get frightened, or need anything, OK?” I turned to see his kind face as he said “you can do it, I have faith in you. Those little beggars can’t get you in here!”

I could hear him laugh to himself as he turned and walked out of the room.

Later that day, I swear I could hear whispers and snickers coming from under hospital bed, but I ignored them, my new friend Jimmy wouldn’t lie would he. The End.